image from israbox.com
It’s “date night!”
The hubbs & I schedule regular “date nights” and have since we met 20 years ago. You see, we became an instant family when we married (more here) so we’ve never have had time that was just “ours.” We’ve always been parents and that’s OK - that’s the life we chose and neither of us would change it. Our way to navigate some time together has been to schedule it, as a way to reconnect and reaffirm what we already know. As mentioned before, many times we didn’t have the money for a sitter or to go out; we still made time for each other. More here.
I’m glad we have prioritized this because:
- Date nights mean “I hear you.”
- Date nights mean “I love you.”
- Date nights mean “I’m here for you.”
- Date nights mean wearing something other than “Mom & Dad” clothes, a whiff of cologne, cleavage, a buttoned-down shirt, a swirly skirt and lipstick.
- Date nights mean “You are still it for me.”
- Date nights mean singing our songs, telling our work stories, and being in the moment.
- Date nights mean comfort, warmth, passion and love.
- Date nights mean “In spite of everything around us – jobs – kids – family – I still choose time with you over everything – and everyone – else.”
I love that he schedules tee times early enough so that he can come home, shower, change and spend the night with me. What girl wouldn’t love that in her man?
He loves that I use my time to do what interests me and, when he returns, he’s greeted by a warm and willing companion who looks nice, feeds him and wants to spend her night with him. What guy wouldn’t love that in his girl?
At the January “State of the Union” Presidential address, a rather large fuss was made about how “both sides of the aisle” abandoned their polar positions and sat together, effectively inter-mixing the powers that be.
It’s startling that this was news. Grown-ups acting civilly towards each other. Really?
I can’t speak for Congress but, for us, date nights have always been the buoy we swim to against the undertow of daily living.
How about you? How do you maintain the state of YOUR union?
Lady, I love this stuff!
Well .. thanks, John. I write from the heart, especially on this topic. Cheers! MJ
It took awhile for my husband to get it. Almost too long. I kept suggesting that we have couple time on the evenings after my sewing day. One day we had a huge fight and I said “if you hate every suggestion I make for us to spend time together, why are you still here?” Finally, he got it that this was needed in our life.
Good on you that you put it out there, Rumbley. Sometimes we have to be more blunt than we might want to be so as to get our feelings known & heard. We’ve had times in our life when we have slipped away from that sacred “couples” time and it’s always been because something was going on in either one of our lives .. work stress, etc. Thankfully…it didn’t last long & we have come back together. We both understand, more than ever, that it’s important to carve out “our” time and to nurture what brought us together in the first place.
Thanks for weighing in & Happy Friday to you
MJ
I love how you posted about this! Well, my husband and I usually have Date Nights too (we usually cook dinner and watch a movie). We don’t have kids yet, but I can imagine this being an important issue that may arise in your marriage. I think as long as you make time for each other, everything will work itself out.
I completely agree; One of my favorite quotes is this one, “The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother.” So true! Thanks for visiting; please come back again soon, MJ
Very wise. Wish you could give some advice to Congress!
It’s reassuring to know that there are grounded couples in the world. We hear so exhaustively about dysfunctional couples, nice to see adults in action! And wonderful role models for your kids.
Thank you for sharing!
Sheila
Thank you, Sheila. Having that time set aside has helped us through the rough patches, too – kid issues, work stresses, financial decisions, etc. If we hadn’t carved it out ahead of time those issues might not have gotten resolved. I like that our boys value our date nights and that they “get it.”
Thanks for visiting, MJ
Well, my wife and I have been doing date nights for 42 years, through every up and every down. It used to be Saturday, but now that we’re both retired, we do date nights, date afternoons and date mornings. It’s one of the standbys of our marriage.
I love it; gives us something else to look forward to if we can ever pull off retiring
. Congrats on 42+ years – good on you!
-MJ
Definitely date nights are wonderful. But it’s the daily little things also, like touching each other as you walk by, lots of kisses and “I love you”s just casually. We have been married 17 years, 19 years together and truly are more in love than ever. I know our kids see and internalize this also (despite Cal’s groaning when we are hugging and kissing often).
absolutely agree on the daily affections, too. Our boys have groaned and grinned seeing us hugging & kissing .. or catching us in an embrace as they walk in all stealth-like. (oops – busted!) The thing is? Seeing us smooch is far better than seeing us fight .. and we’ve preached that enough that they get it now. Congrats on your long-lasting love, Caroline; in a world full of stories of dysfunction & breakdowns, it’s sure nice to know about the ones that are thriving.
MJ
I’m 21 and despite the horrid statistics on marriage, divorce and infidelity I actually look forward to getting married and spending the rest of my life with some crazy (for wanting me) and clever (for wanting me, lol…) man out there…and people like you and posts like these, are one of the reasons why…
Nothing wrong with still wanting it (marriage) and looking for it (the guy). My experience? when you’re least expecting him, there he’ll be.
Cheers! MJ
Lovely post, and I enjoyed reading all the comments too. Love the way the story continues even after you’ve said what you had to say…
Hubby and I have been married a little over 15 years and though these years were peppered with many ups and downs, I can safely say we’re STILL very much attracted to each other and enjoy each others company. I’m glad we can still TALK….y’know?
Been toying with the idea of real and proper ‘date’ nights recently….I think it would be great to dress up snazzily for each other and go out….just the two of us.
God knows, I like my pj’s a tad too much
One night last weekend, I walked out into the garage wearing a skirt, tee and low heeled sandals. I’d fixed my hair, had lipstick on, and was wearing perfume. The garage door was open and our neighbor, an older man, was out working in his yard. He asked, “Hey? Going out somewhere special?” and I replied, “Nope .. staying in!” with a big wide smile. He had a confused look on his face. My point? We did stay in that night – we brought our drinks down to the patio and enjoyed being out in the twilight with candles (citronella for the mosquitoes). Hubbs had dressed up in a button-down shirt & dressy shorts and me in what I had above. We didn’t have to go anywhere — but we made each other feel that we put in the effort to look nice for the other one. We also left the phone in the house and just were “there” for each other, in the moment. So you don’t have to go out to dress up a little and look your best- you can do that at home. Although it sure is fun to go out and be waited on, and we do that, too!!
PS – I’m glad to hear that, after 15 years, you are not only still attracted to each other but that you still “talk” – that’s important stuff, isn’t it? I love that I can really talk with the hubbs .. he’s a great listener and I value his opinion. We don’t always agree but that’s what keeps it interesting!!
Cheers! MJ
this story is awesome. could I possibly add it to your guest post?
Let’s chat
MJ
love it. love it. love it. I can’t wait for you to share this on my blog! It will go up: Nov. 29!
Thank you; It’s heartfelt .. MJ
Pingback: Under Merle’s direction | Emjayandthem's Blog
Pingback: Yellow roses | Emjayandthem's Blog