A skill I’ve learned from hubbs has been put in play of late.
It’s powerful and one that takes practice, because it goes against my learned methods of communciating.
But every time I have to pull it out of my bag of tricks, I am reminded again of its power.
What is it?
It’s the art of not engaging.
Example:
When someone is spinning out of control and tries to drag you into their negative vortex … step quietly to the side, and let their momentum take them elsewhere.
When a harsh words beg for commentary … refrain.
Let the ugliness hang in the air; let the person who dealt them watch their poison fall to the ground. They’re counting on sucking you in. Don’t. Go. There.
Not engaging. Powerful stuff.
Sometimes … the most influential words are those left unspoken.
Like it. When you ask the hubbs a question and you know he’s ignoring you or avoiding answering. Count down from 10 very slowly in your head and see who breaks the silence first!
yes!
MJ
Yep. I recognize this. “Don’t. Go. There.”
That’s the one … MJ
oh how I am trying to teach my kids this right now!
I didn’t learn it till later in life … keep at them, they will .. but when you least expect it
Cheers! MJ
This is excellent advice, MJ, especially if one has teenagers…thank you!
Wendy
teenagers, snarky relatives or co-workers, you name it – it works! Cheers! MJ
Most of the time I practice this art. And then there are the times I don’t! Usually wish I had held my tongue, kept the peace, let it slide. Good advice, good reminder!
Sheila
I know what you mean, Sheila. We’ve all caught ourselves getting drawn in and then later regretting it. I do find that the more I practice it, the better I am at it. Cheers! MJ
When I read this (powerful) post, one person came to mind: my mother-in-law. She can be so sweet and loving. But sometimes I think she just lives to provoke confrontation. And I abhor confrontation. So, over the years, I’ve learned to not be drawn into whatever the argument of the day/minute is…or would be if I participated. Thanks for the reminder!
Oh Dianna, I’m sorry, I know someone just like that and had them in mind when I wrote this. But, like you, I’ve learned not to get sucked in because, as my mother would say, “no good can come from that.” Doesn’t mean it’s not hard to do, though – I’m a talkative Gemini and it’s my nature to weigh in … argh !! Cheers, MJ
I’m a Gemini, too! June 4 – how about you?
21st
MJ
I know SO many people with June birthdays (and now another one!). My son’s is the 16th. It’s a good month!
Allison Krauss’ song “When you say nothing at all” is one of my favorite songs.
~ Lenore
Thank you for the reminder, MJ. I’m working on it.
It’s one of mine, too, Lenore. I just love the purity of her voice … as for this post? It was as much for me as anything; I’m resisting the urge to comment on a present situation. I know it won’t do any good so I’m just staying out … still hard though, cheers! MJ
Great advice. I’m not sure I’ve ever tried this and I imagine it would take great effort but is well worth it.
It takes a lot of effort for me … a natural born talker! But … it does work ..
Cheers! MJ
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So well said! Thank you.