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on Dads

It’s Father’s Day and, of course, the boys having been “doing”  for their Dad. There was a round of golf with oldest boy yesterday and a mound of chocolate from youngest waiting for him when he woke up.  There’s laughter and joking and heartfelt moments of advice and compassion, too.

He had the whole day to do whatever he wants and a most of it he’s filled with breakfast, baseball, peace, quiet and me.

He’s a Dad who can handle the teasing two boys can generate, has the character to show them the way & expect them to follow;  the heart of a gladiator, the loyalty of a lion.

He’s a Dad that a 5-year-old fell in love with long before Mom had the courage to, the Dad who welcomed another son two years later but insisted they both would have the same last name.  Growing up in a blended family, he knew the confusion brothers can feel when their names are different.

He’s a Dad who learned the hard way that brothers can be taken from us tragically so they should be treasured, not just tolerated. He’s the Dad who encourages others to spend time with their brothers, adding quietly, “I wish I still had mine.”

He’s a Dad who taught them to love and respect Mom and that giving your word only means something if you actually do.

He’s a Dad who doesn’t take any “guff” and is the first to speak up and correct them if they need it. He’s also the first one to fill their tanks or slip them $10 when they least expect it.

He’s a Dad who coached, trained, lifted, held, counseled, taught, cared and, most importantly, showed up.

I had a great Dad, and he was kind, funny and loving.

My boys have a great Dad, he’s kind, funny and loving.

Today, more than ever, I appreciate the man Mom chose for our Dad. And for teaching me what to look for when I picked out one for my children.

boys & dad

Happy Father’s Day, Hubbs.

“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”  ~Author Unknown

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Categories: Faith, Family, Gratitude, Home, Joy, Life, Men, Uncategorized | Tags: , | 13 Comments

The fear of the fear

I read a passage recently that really resonated with me. Loosely translated it reads that, “everyone has some type of post-traumatic stress, but many of us suffer from pre traumatic stress.” What is that?  The fear of a fear. We fear something that hasn’t even happened yet and may not ever happen to us.

When you think of all the things you accomplish regularly and how you manage challenges that show up in your life, doesn’t it make you wonder why we have such fears?   Think about it: most of the stuff we worry never comes true anyways.   I’ll forget. I’ll look stupid. They’ll laugh at me. I won’t know what to do.

I thought back to a former boss’ stories about attending community meetings and nearly being run out-of-town “on a rail.”  He was there representing the company we work for and, at that time, we weren’t thought of very highly. He talked of getting into red-faced shouting matches with officials.  Now, bear in mind,  I never experienced what he went through but, along the way, I picked up on his anxiety .. and carried it with me.  I listened to his stories in horror and developed a healthy fear of that happening to me. I developed … a fear of the fear.

After reading that quote earlier this week,  it dawned on me that, in my new job, I’m doing a lot of speaking in front of community officials. Guess what? I’m doing just fine.  Some talks have been delicate and some have been challenging but all have been professional.  There’s been no rails to be found anywhere.

I had no idea,  until I read that passage, that I’d developed a fear of the fear.   Unwittingly, new experiences have let me through most of it. Yes, I still feel a tug when asked to meet with certain groups, especially if a contentious history is known, but every time I do so, I get a little better and that gives me confidence to step past the fear.

Interesting stuff we do to ourselves.

Have you ever developed a fear of a fear? Do tell.

Some days I'm the mouse, other days the cat!

Some days I’m the mouse, other days I’m the cat!

“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.”
― Rudyard Kipling, The Collected Works

Categories: Confidence at any age, Faith, fear, Growth, Home, Life, Personal, Relationships, Self Discovery, Thoughts, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Till next time

Well, they’ve come and they’ve gone.

My Mom, Sister and I had 6 full days together. Add in Hubbs, the boys, grand kids, good friends + Frankie the dog and that garnered us many hilarious and heartfelt moments.  More than once “the look” was exchanged between my sister and me, and all of us laughed ’till our faces ached.

a custom snack bar in their hotel suite :)

They thought the custom snack bar in the hotel suite was awesome :)

We enjoyed Tigers baseball in the garage, sunshine on the patio, and meals in and out. We talked politics and current affairs and updates on family, far and wide.  A familiar pinch was felt as we watched the boys hug Nana, their height dwarfing her by a country mile.   And I’ll never forget how wide her grin was when they did.

Go Tigers!

Go Tigers!

Sister and I had time together in the kitchen, prepping and chatting and singing along to songs like we’d always done.  She can relax with me and let her silly side out, which she did more than once.  Her delighted giggles echo in my head still.

Probably should stick to cooking, not photography!

Probably should stick to cooking, not photography!

It was worth it you know. The cleaning, the prep, our efforts to make it all “just so.”

The boys called me out on that, too, urging me to “just relax, have fun, and don’t worry about stuff so much.”  A funny thing that is, hearing my words coming back to me in their voices.

I took their advice & we had a blast winning on the penny machine!

The grands made themselves known and many, many photos were snapped. Priceless.

Frankie's rexhausted!

Frankie’s rexhausted!

Yes, the visit was deep, the emotions were wide, and the ache I feel will have to last me … till next time.

We cannot destroy kindred:  our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break.”  ~Marquise de Sévigné

Mom and her only great grand-Daughter, MJ

Mom and her only great grand-Daughter, MJ

Categories: Faith, Family, Fun, Home, Joy, Mom, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Time passages

Looking through some older photos the other day, I came across some older snaps of Frankie the dog:

baby Frankie

baby Frankie

With oldest boy:

Baby Frankie with big brother Boo

Baby Frankie with big brother Boo

and with youngest:

can't. breathe.

can’t. breathe.

Supervising leaf raking as a young gentle-dog:

in younger days, before the grey

in younger days, before the grey

And later, modeling a shrunken woolen sweater in a move known as the Marino-a-No-No.

you guys are ridiots

you guys are ridiots

He’s been a source of hilarity and a source of comfort, too.

See the smile on Frank's face?

See the smile on Frank’s face?

And always, he continues to do what he does best … stay close.

Grill consultant

Grill consultant waiting quietly nearby.

Time passages.

13 years since he came home with us from the pound.

And always, ever faithful.

There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.  ~Konrad Lorenz

Categories: Animals, Faith, Family, Friendship, Home, Joy, Life, Quotes, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 32 Comments

My summer list

Spring’s come late to Michigan; we had snow as recently as two weeks ago. Not surprisingly, everyone around here is thinking ahead to summer.

Asked, “what’s on your summer list?” I found my list rolling off my tongue as though I’d practiced it for days! (maybe some of that’s true).

Lilacs!

they're gonna bloom this week I think!

they’re gonna bloom this week I think!

Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy with me at the grill.

Summer Shandy... ah

Summer Shandy… ah

Hanging in the pool till I’m wrinkly and white; cherries, watermelon, corn on the cob and fresh summer peas.

100_24051.jpg

Michigan cherries … yum!

Tigers baseball on the radio .. outside; play dates with the grand kids.

100_2916

making cookies with the Grands

Summer gatherings, skirts, kitten heels and date nights … all under the light of a summer moon. 

just like this one

just like this one

Lacy sweet peonies that take me back to Grandma’s garden.

"Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the fleurs" - Frankie the wonder dog

peonies!

Fresh peach cobblers and Texas Sheet cakes, just because.

Summertime means peach cobbler!

Rich chocolate nutty icing poured onto a delectable warm cake? Yes please!

Rich chocolate nutty icing poured onto a delectable warm cake? Yes please!

The squeals of children filling the backyard.

cousins and cousins and more!

cousins and cousins and more!

A contented old dog reminding me to take my time in the sun, too.

100_2527

Frankie has the relaxing part down-pat.

That’s what I long for this summer.

What’s on your summer list? 

Thanks to Jessie for the inspiration!

Categories: Animals, Faith, Family, Food, Fun, Home, Life, Relationships, Seasons | Tags: , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

On Mothering

One of my favorite pictures of Mom & me... having a Killian's in Branson, MO

One of my favorite pictures of Mom & me… having a Killian’s in Branson, MO

A mom reads you like a book, and wherever she goes, people read you like a glowing book review.  ~Robert Brault

***

We all need someone who believes in us – someone who sees our potential and who encourages us to keep on going when times get hard.  Someone who reminds us of what is working in our life and that tomorrow will be better.  Someone who points out all we have to be grateful for right now.

We need someone who cheers the loudest when we succeed and stays the closest when we’re hurting.

No matter how robust our self-confidence is, knowing that we are treasured is the magic elixir that gives us the ability to be our best.

In everything I’ve ever accomplished and all that I’ve ever experienced, I’ve had one tiny but mighty powerhouse behind me: my mother.

Thank you to my Mom who taught me the importance of a meal lovingly prepared, of make-believe play on stormy days, the joy of reading and the ability to laugh at myself.

Thank you to my Mom for driving me to piano lessons even though I could “hear” the music and didn’t bother learning to read notes; for sewing my skating costumes, helping me finish 4-H projects and listening to me practice my speeches.

Thank you to my Mom who put up with my petulance at 14, what I was sure was true love at 16, and impatience at 18.

Thank you to my Mom who taught me that a real man cries, loves children and animals and his wife, and shows up.

Thank you to my Mom who  inspires me to challenge what I know for sure, to stretch my limits and to never underestimate what can be done.

Thank you to my Mom, who let me have sleepovers, talent shows, weenie roasts and birthday parties.

Thank you to my Mom for teaching me how to have a warm & inviting home; to cook, clean and entertain in a way that makes my family want to be home more than not.

Thank you to my Mom who taught me to not save my best manners for strangers and to, no matter what, stay up for kids coming in at night so there’s always an audience for their stories.

Thank you for my Mom who let me go; who, in spite of the miles that separate us, and the time between our face-to-face conversations, has never failed to rally behind me and say “You can do it, kid.”

Thank you, Mom, thank you.

The greatest gift I’ve ever received … is a Mother who is happy to be one.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

*originally posted 5/6/2011

Want to read more about the 4’11″ dynamo?

Categories: Attitude, Beauty, Faith, Growth, Home, Joy, Life, Personal, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Lunch on impulse

So there I was yesterday, driving to points north for a meeting with another team.  Recent changes in our company have created opportunities for many, including me. But with those opportunities come changes and with those changes come new responsibilities and with those new responsibilities come questions and concerns.  I think most just want to get it right, but we’re moving so fast right now that many are afraid to ask for help.

That’s where this meeting came in.  Talking with another Manager, she referenced the changes to her team and how a responsibility our departments share has raised a lot of questions.

“Is there any way you’d be available to walk us through this sometime?”

“Sure, how about Thursday.”

This is a role that I enjoy most:  mastering a task and helping others master it, too.  It’s not new, I’ve done it my entire career, but sometimes the ability to share like this gets replaced by other tasks at hand.

Windows down, sunshine in my face, I drove past a “Big Boy” restaurant and I felt it. A pinch. I thought of him: Grandpa to the boys, Step-Dad to the hubbs. Father-in-law to me.  Elderly. Widowed.  Alone.

I called and, of course, got his answering machine. No surprise for he’s never answered numbers he doesn’t recognize.  Listening to his stern message scolding solicitors and anyone daring  prey on this ex Military policeman, I chuckled.  I identified myself, told him where I was off to, and that I’d be back in about 2 hours .. just in time for lunch at Big Boy, if he was free, that is.

About 40 minutes later, my phone rang. The tutorial was already underway but I excused myself to take the call, something told me I knew who it was.

“Hi, this is John.  I’m up for lunch – what time?”

Military man – man of few words — direct and to the point. I like that. We worked out the details with me promising to call when I was on my way back.  Arriving at the restaurant first, I couldn’t help but notice all of the other elderly gentlemen dining …. alone.

slim jim

The Big Boy Slim Jim – yum!

In he came, grinning, and big hugs were exchanged.  We laughed a lot, ordered our lunch, and chatted some more.  He told me how they liked to stop here after her Wednesday hair appointments.   He ordered the “Slim Jim” with the comment “it was her favorite.” We talked about the passing of George Jones and how she’d be tapping her toe in Heaven, now that George and Tammy were reunited again.

We talked of my Mom and sister’s upcoming visit and plans for barbeques he’s invited to and, before long, it was time to go. More hugs, more smiles, and I think I heard a whistle as he walked to his truck.

* “Near You” was played at her funeral

A lonely day is God’s way of saying that he wants to spend some quality time with you.” – Criss Jami

Categories: Uncategorized, Food, Attitude, Life, Family, Personal, Love, Men, Faith, Home, Joy | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Fried Spam

Have any of you bloggers noticed a trend of late?

As in ….  more spam?

More hostile comments so nonsensical and poorly written that they’re laughable?

More links to – ahem – enhancement products and dating sites?

More subscribers with links to blogs that … don’t exist?

I have.

When I was a kid, Mom bought Spam sometimes.

this kind -- salty with a touch of slime

this kind — salty with a touch of slime

She’d slice it into thick slices and fry it on high heat, heat so hot the edges would burn and curl just a little.  Served up with scrambled eggs or cheesy potatoes we kids, fresh off our ponies, the lake or the field, would gobble it down.

It wasn’t great, but it was a salty-hammy-concoction that was tolerable.  Especially with enough ketchup.

Nowadays, Spam means something else.

Spam now is unwanted e-attention from ill-intentioned people and systems.

Systems and individuals looking to scam, steal, trick, coerce and lie their way into our good graces.

Do what I do … send ‘em to the Spam folder.  Never respond. Don’t click on their faceless links.

And hope that WordPress turns the heat up so high they smoke.

The Akisment Widget in action

The Akismet Widget in action

Are you seeing more spam these days?  Have you turned up the heat? 

Categories: Attitude, Family, Food, Home, Life, News, Random | Tags: , , , , | 22 Comments

Winter is dead

Dare we say it?  Dare we?

Snow Thursday, 64 Saturday.

But out and about this morning, something in the mulch caught my attention.

Something small and pink and determined:

peonies popping up

The Peonies have spoken: Spring is here!

“She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor:
“Winter is dead.”
― A.A. Milne, When We Were Very Young

Categories: Attitude, Beauty, Determination, Faith, Family, Home, Seasons, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 16 Comments

A river moving

It’s Friday.

That long awaited, much anticipated day.

There’s still lots of the week left in today, but we’re close enough to the finish line to begin thinking of other things.

peeking kitten

I see you, weekend!

Weekend warriors or time to just be?

Maybe a little of both?

Whatever you choose, take it from me and do what feeds your soul.

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”― Rumi

*image from Pinterest

Categories: Animals, Attitude, Faith, Family, Fun, Home, Joy, Life, Opinion, Personal, Random, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

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