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Daily Archives: November 6, 2010

Need to take a Relationship Sabbatical?

Do you have someone in your life who is lovely to everyone …but you?

I do. And being related further complicates matters. 

This is someone who is sweet and accommodating to everyone. But not to me. 

Conversations and interactions are a struggle because I have to censor everything I say.  I can’t offer suggestions, be my silly self, or offer up my meandering thoughts.    I have to be less than who I am.

After much deliberation and hand-wringing I took my hubbs’ advice:  

 I. Stopped. Engaging. 

I stopped calling.

 I just stopped.  

It’s not foolproof; old habits die hard and there will, of course, be instances where being together is unavoidable.  But … interesting things happened when I took a relationship sabbatical…I learned this: we teach others how to treat us, including family.  If I would not accept dismissive and acidic comments from others (a co-worker, an in-law, a neighbor), why did I tolerate it from her? Was it “keeping the peace,” or  “doing what I know?” 

When I said nothing, did nothing, and swallowed my words,  I gave up my power.  My inaction enabled the behavior to continue.  

Stepping back was taking action while avoiding a scene (and there would have been, trust me).     It was covert. It was calculated and yes, it was effective, because here’s my surprising realization:   I don’t miss the relationship.     I miss the idea of what our relationship was.

I feel lighter.

I am happier.

I am now completely – 100% – myself. 

Getting older. Accepting ourselves.  Raising the bar for how others treat us.  Drawing a line in the sand and having the courage to stand behind it.  Powerful.

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Categories: Attitude, Confidence at any age, Determination, Family, Gratitude, Life, Life Lessons, Opinion, Quotes, Random observations, Relationships, Useful Information, Wisdom, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

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