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I need some Brain Lysol

Lounging in my jammies yesterday I found myself watching a TV show featuring celebrity news stories of the year.

I consider myself a bit of a news hound.  I read all the time. Books, blogs, newspapers, online news, you name it.

So it came as a surprise to me that some of the “news” stories of the year .. I hadn’t even heard of. 

Kim Kardashian?  Most googled person? Seriously?  Why?

Yes she’s pretty and curvaceous and I get that … but I can’t handle that whiny-constipated way of talking. 

I realized that, while watching, my brain was way ahead of me, it was already computing my list of people and products I don’t care about.

Then I realized I actually have a visceral reaction to each one.

So I do care.

I care that I am supposed to care about them.

Stop!  No more living rent-free in my head!

One of many stupid ED commercials. Image via accessrx.com

 

Here’s my list of people and products I am wiping clean from my brain’s memory drive:

  1. “Jersey Shore” and the band of lost misfits inhabiting it. It shames me that I even know who “Snooki” and “DJ Pauly D” are. Ugh.  Do stores carry Lysol for the brain cause I think I need a case of it.
  2. Kate Gosselin. With or without kids. Short hair or long. Don’t care.
  3. Oprah’s final season. Over it.
  4. Kim Kardashian and the rest of them. And what the hell happened to Bruce Jenner’s face?
  5. Erectile Dysfunction and “special moments.”  Um, the first two words don’t go with the last three unless you’re … Gene Simmons.
  6. Marie Osmond’s weight loss. Her hair is now bigger than her entire body and she oddly resembles the dolls she hawks on QVC. Weird.
  7. Tiger Woods had to spend Christmas without his kids.  Hmmm … perhaps when you cheat on your wife with 8 million women, a little time alone to wallow is what you should get.  Knob.
  8. Dancing with the washed up-0nce were-remotely famous-stars. Yawn.
  9. Lindsay who?
  10. Justin whats-his-face-with-the–really-stupid-hair.
  11. The Kimaro Body Shaper.   How do people get into it?  And why?
  12. Extreme anything. Extreme fitness. Extreme weight loss. Extreme-ly annoying. Whatever – shut up.

How about you?

What “news” story isn’t news? 

Which celebrity is famous for no reason at all, in your opinion?  I know I’m not alone here …

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Categories: Attitude, Humor, Life, News, Opinion, Personal, Quotes, Random, Rants, Snarky | Tags: , , , | 8 Comments

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8 thoughts on “I need some Brain Lysol

  1. I too find most of your list annoying everytime I hear about it. If I had the urge to vent as you did, I would, but I think you vented enough for the both of us. As a matter of fact, on television right now, is a news segment on Oprah!

    I think it i s the shortening of the attention span of Americans in general. We have become accustomed to the “fast-food” lifetstyle and have no use for things that take time. Which is why we are now attracted to things like “Jersey Shore,” a show about nothing, but since it is fast paced and “reality” television, we get satisfaction, however odd that may be.

    I am of a similar platform as you, where is a good book when you need one?

    • Rock on Hemlock1981! I agree. We are getting our our news in “30 second sound bytes” and it’s too much, too fast, and often 50 miles wide and a 1/2 an inch deep … I have never watched Jersey Shore but cannot escape it. I’m going to turn off the telly today and unplug the phone .. and read 😉 Cheers!

  2. I think people I don’t know much about, or understand, like Justin Beiber. He is so young and fresh, and I just want to put a big comfortable bubble around him until he’s old enough to withstand our Hollywood culture. Same goes for Taylor Swift.
    Also, what’s up with the Shake Weight? And does it work … 🙂

  3. I laughed…and cheered through this entire list, especially #7! You rocked this list out. Thank God I am not alone. That settles it, it’s “them”, not us. Brilliant post!

  4. Hilarious 🙂

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