Forgiving myself

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“We control 50% of a relationship; we influence 100% of it.” – Anonymous

Last night, we decided to go out with friends for a last-minute happy hour/dinner type outing. Hubbs was ready to go when I got home from work and I took a quick shower & changed my clothes. The Pub was packed when we arrived, as it often is on their “1/2 off Thursdays.”  Hubbs and I settled into a spot at the bar, put our names in for a table, and waited for our friends to arrive.

The evening was great fun; lots of laughs, good food, and camaraderie.

Back to our outing: everything was fine until the conversation turned to my recovery from recent surgery.  Geez it’s getting old talking about that. Now let me just point out that the Hubbs was a wonderful asset while I was laid up, stepping in to take over the laundry, doing the house cleaning, running the kid around, and figuring out our meal plans.  He also warmed up coffee for me, brought me supplies and picked up needed items from the store. He did a wonderful job and was very attentive and, when I was up to it, I took back the reins.   The topic meandered to the fact that, in his mind, he did what he did 24/7 for 6 weeks (I was off for 7).  My mind screamed the truth: he did what he did – and a fine job at that – for about 4 weeks.  And then he didn’t.

I don’t know if it was the few beers I’d had, if I was tired, or if he just pissed me off but I snorted and, in front of our friends, became that woman who snarps back at her husband and who just has to be right.

Ugh. I hate that woman.  I despise  her and have no room for her in my relationship.

I retorted, “No, you did a great job but it was for a lot less time than you’re thinking of.”

As soon as I said it, I knew I was wrong. 

It wasn’t nice of me.  It was hardly gracious.

Some would argue I was only clarifiying the truth.  It doesn’t matter and it doesn’t make it right.

My words, and my desire to be right, hurt his feelings and, in effect, minimized his contribution in front of our friends, whom he loves and respects.

Ouch.  I feel just awful about it.

Later, I apologized.  He accepted, but that doesn’t mean I don’t regret my actions.

What’s that old saying? “Choose your words carefully; you never know which ones you’ll have to eat.”

Categories: Attitude, Family, Forgiveness, Home, Life Lessons, Men, Opinion, Personal, Relationships, Self Discovery, Share, Thoughts, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 22 Comments

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22 thoughts on “Forgiving myself

  1. Life is a process. With practice and mistakes, we get better at it. Good post. Bless your heart.

  2. Deja vu!! Snarky comments seem to pop out of my mouth at the worst times…but once I knew better, I did better. We are works in progress. Appreciate your transparency.

  3. Been there – done that – repeated it time and time again. The ‘yuck’ gets the better of us (or worse of us, as it were) from time to time. Recognizing one’s mistake and apologizing for one’s mistake speaks volumes. Give yourself credit for the fact that you apologized. Thank you for sharing.

    • Well yeah, you are right, but I still feel like a schmuck. The good news is it’s date night and so I have lots of time to make it right. Thanks Lenore, MJ

  4. I just keep loving what you keep writing. Thanks MJ.
    Sincerely, john

  5. Sometimes we are the great ones and some times we are the ass. Let’s hope that we are only an ass in private where damage control is so much easier.

  6. Ah, we all say things we regret. Me more than most, I imagine. All you can do is apologize and move on. I’m sorry you are feeling bad about it. I like the title of your post!

    • Thanks, Caroline. I had a moment this morning when I flashbacked to my 26 year old-know-it-all self and shuddered. That’s not who I aspire to be… so, like you said, apologize & move on. And I will. Thank you for weighing in! MJ

  7. I especially like your leading quote. So true!

  8. I think we’ve all been in that position, MJ. I know I have. Thankfully, it’s never too late to apologize. Thanks for this honest post! 🙂

  9. Oh MJ, its just because its such a big deal for them to be doing it all for a couple of weeks when we do all those things ALL of the time. No I wouldn’t want to snipe in public either ( blame it on the beer), but I know just how you felt.

    • I agree; that’s what set me off. He did do a lot but he did for a month what I do for 12 .. and therein lies the rub. However I didn’t need to be such an a** about it. I’ll take your advice; the beer did the talking! Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, MJ

  10. I’ve done that before, and like you, realized as soon as I said the words that I shouldn’t have. We can’t take back words, but we can apologize. Your hubby was probably much more forgiving than you were on yourself!

    • Dianna, you are so right. He’s moved on, and now I have to get over it and get out of my own way, too! Thanks for your sweet words of support, MJ

  11. Outstanding topic seems we have a hard time controlling emotions sometimes just makes us human. I am fast to ask for forgiveness and move on in life as we all bleed and we all make mistakes and that is what it is all about.

    Wonderful to hear you are feeling better as hurting makes all of us more crabby and less available for life.

    Happy Easter!

  12. This is sooo good. I don’t like to be that person either, and the time or two I’ve done that in front of others, I have never forgotten it…never a good thing. I’ve learned I don’t need to be right all the time. Many times it’s not important anyway, and the price is never worth the conflict.

    Thanks for being honest.


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