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Time out

the land from which we come

Events of late have left me sad because someone precious to me is hurting. It’s excruciating and nearly debilitating to witness.

I witnessed the pain in his eyes as he cried before us, saying he didn’t know how to go on. That he doesn’t know what to do next or how to live his life without her in it.

I watched as pain’s shadow darkened his beautiful face and prayed  for insightful words to make it all better.

I don’t know what to do, except to listen.

I don’t know what to say, except to comfort.

I don’t know.

I can’t cry any more.

Actually, yes I can (just did).

This life.. it’s all we have.

Why spend it miserable?   Why?

I can’t help but flashback to myself – a young woman in a miserable marriage with a mean spirited person who’d rather put me down than pull me up, for whom no effort was ever enough, for whom I’d never be enough, have enough or do enough.  I remember thinking to myself one night – and I do honestly believe it was the Voice of Spirit reassuring me – “I’d rather be lonely and struggling than be with this person one minute longer.”  And once I heard that – and believed it in my heart that I would be OK – that was it for me.  It took time, but, methodically, I put a plan in place and I did it.  I got us out.  We didn’t have much – my job, a barely running car and an apartment partially filled with garage sale furniture and  used books.  But .. we had each other, my beautiful 3 year old boy and me.  And it was more than enough because finally … we had peace.

Back to today – He hasn’t t asked our permission; he only asked that we listen.  And so we have. But it is so hard to just listen. It’s  our nature to comment, to comfort, and to guide.   Hands off? Suck it up? Get over it?  That’s not how we roll.

But it’s not about us.

Or what we’d tolerate, condone or accept in a relationship.

And so .. we listen. We comfort. We answer questions.  And when he’s not looking, I cry .. and together, we wait it out.

But between you and me … I want to saddle up my trusty steed, arm myself with everything I’ve got and head into battle, guns drawn, and fire bombs a-blazing!! Truth be told — I want to right the wrongs and confront anyone who’d ever hurt my boy.

But … I can’t.

I’m in “time out.”

It’s not for me to fix and that kills me.

And so we sit… and we trust that, somewhere along the way, what we’ve taught him about self-worth, happiness, peace of mind, mutual respect and mature love .. bubbles up and washes over him, giving him the strength he needs to get through this and go on.

 * * * * *

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Categories: Attitude, Confidence at any age, Determination, Family, Home, Life, Life Lessons, Men, Mom, Opinion, Personal, Random, Rants, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

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28 thoughts on “Time out

  1. Wow we do live parallel lives, my friend. Let’s be strong together. And pray for the right words. XOXO

  2. He’s lucky to have you as a momma. Stay strong, he will get through it knowing that you are there, no matter what.

  3. Just do what you can. You need to be the support and that can be difficult.

  4. Oh, yes, when our “little” boys hurt, we hurt. No matter how big they are. Praying that things will go well. We’re here for YOU!

    • That is just so true, Dianna. Thank you for your kind heart, your loving words, and your prayers. I really do “feel” the love – MJ

  5. You’re a good mom, MJ. I feel for your son… that’s a tough place to be in. I hope his heart heals soon.

    • Thank you, Jaclyn. I do the best I can, as most moms do. Somedays are just harder than others, especially when we can no longer “kiss” the boo-boos better. Thank you for your sweet thoughts, MJ

  6. Sorry that he (and you) are going through hard times. Actually someone close to me is also going through something similar and it makes me think very dark, evil thoughts about the person who hurt him. It sucks when you can’t do anything but offer an ear or a shoulder.

    • CC you always make me chuckle (( and I get where your thoughts were going …)) It is hard to watch but harder that there’s nothing I can do about it. Grrr… thanks for the kindness & support, MJ

  7. Life lessons – harder than any math test I took, that is for certain. MJ, you are listening and you are providing comfort. Sounds like you are doing everything you can do for your loved one. Frankly, that’s the easy part. Patiently awaiting the recover in due time is the hard part. Keep swimming, keep swimming. ~Lenore

    • For sure, Lenore. I feel as though I’m swimming upstream on this one; Thank you for your thoughtfulness … I do appreciate it, MJ

  8. I’m sorry your son is going through this, MJ…I’ve been through my oldest daughter’s breakups with her…it’s hard to know what to do sometimes…

    Sounds like being his shoulder to cry on is a good start…

    Wendy

  9. hve

    Hmmmm, I’m not liking the sound of this, M. Love to you and yours…

  10. You are a strong woman and mother. Hang in there, blogger friend.

    • thank you sweet CM’s wife. It’s hard, I’m trying and hoping for the best. It just hurts to see them hurt. MJ

  11. A very good friend, a preacher’s wife, said to me “You’re as happy as your most miserable child.” First, I wanted to say back “What? No words of faith? No comfort from you, mother of slightly older children? You must have answers.” Then, I felt the relief that this good friend gave me… permission to feel miserable too. I’m so sorry you and yours are hurting. It’s tough.

  12. I’m so sorry. I know how hard it is to watch someone you love hurting and not be able to fix it. I hope that time heals his pain quickly.

    • It is hard not being able to do anything … grrr .. so against our “Momma Bear’ nature. Thank you for your kindness, Terri. MJ

  13. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Our son has had some rough patches in his young marriage, and it is painful beyond belief to sit on the sidelines. I hope that you’ll see new hope soon, and that all will be well in the end.

    Sheila

    • Thank you, Sheila. I loved your words of encouragement (I hope that you’ll see new hope, soon). And we have. Things are turning, and I am wounded but hopeful that they can turn this ship around. Thanks again, MJ

  14. You have touched on what I think is one of the most difficult challenges a parent faces–seeing a grown child hurting and knowing that we can’t “make it all better.” Oh, for the days when a Band-aid and a kiss were all it took. Good luck.

    • That is it – so painful to sit by and not be able to do anything … turns out that we can though — live as an example, lend a shoulder to cry on and give thoughtful advice .. but only when asked. Still… tough, tough, tough!! Thank you MJ

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