Events of late have left me sad because someone precious to me is hurting. It’s excruciating and nearly debilitating to witness.
I witnessed the pain in his eyes as he cried before us, saying he didn’t know how to go on. That he doesn’t know what to do next or how to live his life without her in it.
I watched as pain’s shadow darkened his beautiful face and prayed for insightful words to make it all better.
I don’t know what to do, except to listen.
I don’t know what to say, except to comfort.
I don’t know.
I can’t cry any more.
Actually, yes I can (just did).
This life.. it’s all we have.
Why spend it miserable? Why?
I can’t help but flashback to myself – a young woman in a miserable marriage with a mean spirited person who’d rather put me down than pull me up, for whom no effort was ever enough, for whom I’d never be enough, have enough or do enough. I remember thinking to myself one night – and I do honestly believe it was the Voice of Spirit reassuring me – “I’d rather be lonely and struggling than be with this person one minute longer.” And once I heard that – and believed it in my heart that I would be OK – that was it for me. It took time, but, methodically, I put a plan in place and I did it. I got us out. We didn’t have much – my job, a barely running car and an apartment partially filled with garage sale furniture and used books. But .. we had each other, my beautiful 3 year old boy and me. And it was more than enough because finally … we had peace.
Back to today – He hasn’t t asked our permission; he only asked that we listen. And so we have. But it is so hard to just listen. It’s our nature to comment, to comfort, and to guide. Hands off? Suck it up? Get over it? That’s not how we roll.
But it’s not about us.
Or what we’d tolerate, condone or accept in a relationship.
And so .. we listen. We comfort. We answer questions. And when he’s not looking, I cry .. and together, we wait it out.
But between you and me … I want to saddle up my trusty steed, arm myself with everything I’ve got and head into battle, guns drawn, and fire bombs a-blazing!! Truth be told — I want to right the wrongs and confront anyone who’d ever hurt my boy.
But … I can’t.
I’m in “time out.”
It’s not for me to fix and that kills me.
And so we sit… and we trust that, somewhere along the way, what we’ve taught him about self-worth, happiness, peace of mind, mutual respect and mature love .. bubbles up and washes over him, giving him the strength he needs to get through this and go on.