Change is hard

The Mighty Mac stands confidently in the Straits; photo from


“You cannot change what you won’t acknowledge.” – Dr. Phil

Boy, do I get that.

Change.  Is.  Hard.

Everyone says it.

And it’s true .. right?

Sometimes what needs our attention is obvious:  exercise more, eat better, get more rest,  blah, blah, blah.

But I don’t think that’s where most of us struggle.

I think we get bogged down before we even start … because .. before you can change anything.. you first have to acknowledge it.  To see it. And for many of us, me included, it’s easier to keep on doing what we’ve always done.

For a lot of us, recognizing an issue is the hardest part of change.


Because once we see it, and I mean really see it, it’s a bit like stepping out onto your front porch wearing only your underwear: You’re. Completely. Vulnerable.  Unlike in the past, when we’ve strolled through life blissfully unaware that our fly was open or a skirt was tucked into our pantyhose, once you know, and once you get it, it feels like everyone else does, too.

And I think it’s right there that we get stuck.

Isn’t it easier to be who you’ve always been?  C’mon, it’s comfortable to play a familiar role, to be the “go to” gal, the funny guy, the chubby girl, the reliable neighbor.  Why?  Because when we acknowledge what we want to change, we realize that we may actually have to do something about it. And that feels … risky.  Why? Because taking action feels like a threat to all that we know; will it undermine our relationships?  What happens when we don’t do as everyone expects? If we Lysol the toxic people out of our friendship cupboard, who will remain?

I’ve asked myself all those questions and discovered something unexpected in the discomfort:   It’s here that growth lives.

Change. Is. Hard.

Or is it?

Categories: Attitude, Confidence at any age, Faith, Forgiveness, Friendship, Growth, Life, Opinion, Personal, Self Discovery | Tags: , , , , , | 14 Comments

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14 thoughts on “Change is hard

  1. I wish I could write like you my dear. It’s so easy to read and so right on, always.

    • Thank you, Ter. I think that we all write best about what we’re most concerned or passionate about, yes? Hugs, MJ

  2. Risk is a four letter word. I will think about this today and share with my husband. You developed this thought so clearly.

  3. Yes, I think change is hard. And yet, we almost psych ourselves out once we see what needs to be changed. I know I tend to get into panic mode, perhaps even start to shut down. I love pondering your writings.

  4. Change IS hard, but often very rewarding. A few times when I’ve seen something I want to change, I’ve written about it on my blog. Once I let others in on my desire to change, it gets harder to just walk away from my efforts.

    And sometimes I’ve failed anyway. I think the fear of that failure is the scariest part.

    • I agree, Terri. If I share “it,” the act of sharing (( and subconsciously committing to changing it )) lessens some of its power … in my head anyways. Thank you!! MJ

  5. Well, there’s change that you choose and change that’s thrust upon you…I’ve had some of the latter this year with relationship challenges…thankfully on the mend now I believe. But boy, was that incentive for change and some soul searching! Still working on some of that, and I agree, it can be intimidating/challenging to recognize the real issues that need to be addressed, because then you have to DO SOMETHING about whatever it is. I reframe these situations as “growth opportunities.” Seriously, it is hard. But I’m grateful, after all, for what I’ve learned about myself and my marriage.

    Good luck with the things you’re changing. You are challenging and thought provoking, as usual!


    • Thank you, Sheila .. I loved how you have, very positively, reframed those situations as “grown opportunities.” I might have to do the same; similarly, I am finding myself in a state of transition and starting to make some changes that I have been wanting to do for some time now. I’m saying “yes” to more that I want to do and a quiet and polite “no” to those that I don’t; it’s been an interesting ride. The biggest surprise has come from within .. as I’m not always sure how I will approach things now .. but it sure makes it interesting!

      Thanks!! MJ

  6. Please pass the Lysol…I have some toxic people I need to get out of my cupboards…

    Thanks for making me thing, MJ!


    • “think”…not “thing.”

    • It’s a powerful image isn’t it? I think for many of us, me included, Lysolling the friendship/family cupboard is hard because we are afraid to find out who might still be there when we’re done! Sometimes it’s not that dramatic, for me, sometimes it’s as simple as stepping back and stopping being the friend who does all the heavy lifting. Pretty soon, in the void, I’ve found that the other “friend” wasn’t a friend at all because 1) they didn’t notice when I pulled back and 2) if they did .. they let me go. Startling! MJ

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