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On opposites

Talking with a friend recently, I listened as she told me how divorce has strained her relationship with a teenaged daughter.  Truth be told, there were issues before, but now, with the “big D” in the picture, there’s an excuse. Posturing, nasty Facebook posts and petulance abound.  Not to mention confusion, hurt feelings, anxiety and … fear.

Suddenly I remembered this quote and had to share it with her:

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. 

Her daughter has been hateful.  But … even though her behavior has been deplorable, she’s still engaged.

I reminded my friend of this and I could hear the relief in her voice.  I encouraged her to take a “time out” and let her daughter feel the sting of her choices.  In essence, to continue on with who she is and have faith that, after the anger and disappointment subside, her girl will return.

How do I know this?

Because I’ve lived it, too.  One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do as a parent was to step away from my kid as he spun out of control … and keep the faith that he’d find his way back.  And he did.

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

Have someone being hateful?  They’re connected to you more than you know.

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Categories: Determination, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Growth, Home, Life, Opinion, Personal, Quotes, Relationships, Thoughts | Tags: , , , | 16 Comments

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16 thoughts on “On opposites

  1. We went through an awful time when friends were more important than family for one of our children. Uncanny…the phone just rang at 6:30 my time, 4:30 her time…it was her. Now she calls every day, several times.

    • I hear you, Georgette. To me, that’s been the sweetest thing .. to see him and him in touch so frequently now. It makes up for the heartache. I don’t understand “throwaway parents” … and I know many, unfortunately. I’m glad you have her back again 🙂 MJ

  2. Well written post and on point. I am going to share this with my cousin who needs to hear these words. I, too, have lived this. Thank you.

  3. I’m so glad your friend has someone like you to remind her of this. It’s good to keep things in perspective when life gets crazy. You’re brilliant, MJ. ❤

  4. Wow, what a powerful quote! And so very true. Thanks for that reminder.

    • You’re welcome. I have seen it attributed to many so I am unsure of the author .. regardless, it is one that surely makes me think. Cheers! MJ

  5. What a nice reminder. I’m sure your friend appreciated your insight.
    Thankfully, my son has never been hateful nor indifferent to me. I don’t think I could bear it.

    • Well I hope it helped her. We didn’t go through the hateful period as much as the “do what I want” period and that was painful, esp. since we could see what was coming. Thankfully he survived, learned his lessons and is a much better person for it. And .. he’s back and in touch on a regular basis. And that? That makes my heart sing! MJ

  6. Letting a ‘child’ spin out of control. Oh – time will tell how I respond, should/when my boys get to that point. I’ve seen bad results, where control was never regained. Indifference. That is powerful in many ways.
    This post is thought provoking, MJ.

    • I hear you and have seen both sides as well .. but having a child who came through the worst of his choices and who is now in our lives again is the best gift ever. Not having him was excrutiating.

      Yes .. indifference … truly powerful. And there are those that I can honestly say, “I don’t care” about … and mean it. Not trying to be mean, just stating a fact. They’re in my “Jimmy Cracked Corn” file.

      Bests to you & yours, MJ (for more see https://emjayandthem.wordpress.com/2010/10/22/relationship-filing-system/)

  7. I agree. This is a hard place to be in. But indifference is worse than anger or hate. Blessings to your friend.

    Sheila

  8. alanamokma

    haha. I was the “rebellious daughter” and yes, I did come back.

    • yay! I wasn’t the rebellious one so much; I was the kid still at home watching the older ones act up – a great lesson in what not to do. I’m glad you came back!! MJ

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