When we change, we force others to change, too.
Think about it – if someone depends on you to be who you’ve always been (fill in the blanks: the cooperator, the yielder, the organizer, etc) and you hit the brakes and shift directions, they’re forced to shift, too. They can no longer be who they’ve been all along (unorganized, irresponsible, insulting or immature).
When we stop being a doormat to someone demanding because it’s just “easier” than standing up for ourselves, they’re forced to look for new places to wipe their feet.
When we stop redirecting conversations because we’re scared where someone aggressive will take it, we teach them to choose their words more carefully.
When we stop doing for everyone else because we think that’s where the love is, we learn … to start loving ourselves.
There are some relationships that cannot withstand change.
When one continues to develop and grow and another remains just where they were (listen for the words, “I’m happy with where/who I am), conflict can erupt. Expect to be challenged. Why? Because witnessing another taking positive steps forward often creates feelings of having to keep up … and they may not want to. They might want things to stay just how they are: easy.
This occurs in personal and professional relationships.
Who’s holding you back? Who’s challenging you to stay as you are? Whose life would be easier if you stayed static?
If you’re in a time of change (losing weight, gaining confidence, learning to say “no,” trying out new things) consider this: when someone comments that “you’ve changed,” what they really mean to say is this: you’ve stopped living your life their way.
“You are now at a crossroads.
This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make.
Forget your past. Who are you now?
Who have you decided you really are now?
Don’t think about who you have been.
Who are you now?
Who have you decided to become?
Make this decision consciously.
Make it carefully.
Make it powerfully.
– Anthony Robbins
*Thank you to my friend Renee at Writing Feemail for her many words of wisdom on my blog — her comments on a past post bubbled back up in my collective thoughts and she, in turn, inspired this post.