What the daughter does

So, I haven’t shared much of this before now, but my Mom’s had some health issues this summer and is currently recouping at my sister’s.   My sister, a nurse by trade and a caretaker by heart, has fluffed the pillows, simmered the soup and baked the bread.  Mom’s snuggled, tucked and loved and if there is a place for her that’s better than sissy’s, I’d be hard pressed to tell you where it is.

Chatting Sunday, I was startled when Mom give me something other than her usual “I’m fine.”

Knowing I was planning a visit this fall anyways, she said, “I think you ought to come sooner than later.  Besides, I can use the help.”

And, to the best of my ability, when Mom asks, I go.

So with that, I’m prairie-bound this morning.

I’ll try my best to help, to cheer, to comfort, and to engage.  I’ll also take the opportunity to say the things I need to say.  Because as hard as it is to get those words out, those are the one I think most need to be said. You know what I mean: expressions of emotion that dwell so close to our hearts that they pinch when we release them.  And even though I’ll probably stumble my way through, I’m determined to step over my fears and say them anyways.

And mostly? Mostly I aim to do for her what she’s done for me.

“What the daughter does, the Mother did.”

Categories: Faith, fear, Home, Life, Love, Mom, Personal | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 49 Comments

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49 thoughts on “What the daughter does

  1. Knowing that you love each other dearly, suddenly becomes awkward when you want to say it out loud. It is obvious, right? Perhaps it is not.
    Every now and then I tell my sons I love them. Grown-up boys, now 21 and 18. And I don’t care if they think I’m silly, I just say it out loud.
    I hope your Mom feels better soon, MJ, and that your visit will be a happy and warm one.

    • Thank you, Marion. You are so right .. even though it’s obvious .. the words are sometimes still hard to say. The good news is that she’s coming along and making progress and we had some wonderful moments together. Hugs!

  2. Oh, MJ, please know that I’ll be thinking of you and your Mom (& your sister). I really hope everything will be okay. I just know that you’ll have the perfect words for your Mom. I just know it.

    • Thank you, Dianna. My sister’s home was as cozy and welcoming as I’d remembered and we had many good moments there together; we were able to move Mom back to her house mid-visit and she continued to do well there with lots of TLC and plenty of my cooking to boot. I thought of you at the “golden hour” and captured a few photos that I will share later on. Your kind thoughts are very much appreciated, MJ

      • So glad to hear your Mom is doing well. I (and I’m sure your other blogging buddies) have thought about you many times these past few days and wondered how she was getting along. Can’t wait to see your photos! Welcome back!

  3. “when Mom asks, I go” and as you share this please know our hearts and thoughts are with you, too. Have a safe trip. And as Dianna already said, “I really hope everything will be okay.” I know you’ll be a great help, you’ll find just the right words among so many words you have shared with us, and there will be laughter too. “I’m Gay”, remember?

    • Thank you, Georgette. You were right – plenty of laughter and wise cracks intermixed with the seriousness of the times; she rallied, we fussed, and the little toot is doing better … yay! MJ

      • Soooo good to hear from you! Sounds like memorable times. It’s so wonderful to be with family among those who know you best, and who you know best among whom you can say just about anything.
        I love that exchange of looks too, that take no words.

  4. Thinking of you guys, MJ.

  5. Safe travels MJ…I know you’ll be wonderful, you always are.
    I’ll be thinking of you, your mom and your sister. Talk about gifts…this right here is a great gift you’ve all been given.

    • Thank you so much, D. You are right, it was a gift to have that time together and to just “be” in the moment. I am behind in blog-reading as I was far off the grid, but I hope your boy is well and that his surgery was a success.


  6. Have a safe trip, MJ. Prayers for your mom getting better, for strength for you to find the right words and of thanks to your sissy for taking good care 🙂
    Blessings xoxo

    • Thank you Sandi; your prayers were heard and felt. She waited up for me that first day and the look on her wee face when I walked in made all the travels and hoop-jumping worth it. My sister took good care of Mom and I took good care of her … and between all of us we were able to move Mom home and continue the visit on the farm. Heaven sent!
      Cheers to you and thanks again

  7. Heather

    You are one of the most amazing people that I have the pleasure to know. There is no doubt that your dear Mama helped to shape the person that you are. Hugs, prayers, and much love coming your way. Enjoy you time at “home.” xx

    • Aww Heather, I am just trying to follow the example was set for me by a 4’10” dynamo! Thank you for your kind words and messages of support; it means a great deal to me.

  8. So sorry to hear your mother isn’t well, but glad to hear you’re off to the races. Have a safe trip. Blessings to all of you, MJ.

    • And speaking of the races, I found some old horse racing pics that Mom let me have — talk about howls of laughter, you can literally view the fashion evolution with each passing year. Cheers to you, Kathy!

  9. love her up and enjoy the moment.

  10. Have a good trip, and best wishes to you and your family. Hope everything is ok.

  11. My heart stings, MJ. Your Mom suggesting you visit sooner rather than later reminds me of my Dad. I am glad you are going. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you and your family.

    • Thank you so much, Lenore Diane. I have missed your posts! I am glad I went when I did … we had a lot of moments together and most of them were the “ordinary” ones that still make me smile right now. 10 days went by in a blink.

  12. Like I’ve said many times and still truly believe, my mother’s stroke was her curse but my redemption. So many times I was able to share my unconditional love with her, which made me sorry I didn’t do more often when she was well. Take care, Jane

    • I know just what you mean, Jane. It gave me great pleasure to do for her as she’d always done for me … and to see her delight as I cooked and sauteed and simmered … and hers as she sampled and enjoyed. Thank you for visiting, I will pop over to read your posts soon.


  13. Oh, hugs MJ. I know this visit will be bittersweet for you.

    • it was … tears and laughter, frustration and angst .. all in one. But too much in there was good and that I am grateful for,
      thank you for understanding. MJ

  14. MJ, I’m thinking of you! Hang in there. My thoughts are with you!

  15. Your post makes me sad and makes me smile. Take care.

  16. Blessings to you, your mom and family.

  17. How touching…. I stopped by to say Congrats on being selected one of The Strategic Learner’s inspiring blogs. Glad to meet you and sending hugs and blessings to you and your mom!

    • Thank you, I really appreciate his awarding me that honor … thank you for the hugs and blessings. I am grateful for the kindness of the blogging community!

  18. I’m thinking of you and your family, MJ. Hopefully all will be well.

  19. MJ…. you’re on my heart today, so I thought I’d stop in and say “hi”… praying all is well. xoxo

    • Thank you sweet friend. doing better, first day back to work today after nearly 2 weeks away … Mom’s on the mend and, at this point, stable and moving forward. We celebrated her 82nd birthday while I was home and all 5 kids were there — a first in many years. The smile on her face was perfection. She whips her oxygen cord around like its a lariat and pity the fool who doesn’t get out of the way as she makes a run for something … but … she’s no different than she’s ever been — fiery, determined, tough and hilarious. I am so grateful I could take the time off that I could; it was a gift to have had those times with her. I know you get it.
      Thanks again

  20. MJ, after taking a few weeks out of the blog circuit, I read this post today and just wanted to say that I’m so glad your mom is doing better and that you’re able to be at home again. I know you were missed! But it is wonderful that you were able to be there to support your mom and family and share in good times with everyone!

    And welcome back! ~ Sheila

    • Thank you, Sheila. I know you’ve been right where I was … it’s so unbearably hard to be so very far away but .. there’s a gift within those moments and that’s the one that allows me to step away from my every day life and make my days all about her. I can’t say that those who are there all the time experience the same luxury. I’m grateful.

      You’re so kind, thank you.

  21. Pingback: At home « Emjayandthem's Blog

  22. I’m glad your mom was doing better by the time you returned home.

  23. Pingback: On Mothering | Emjayandthem's Blog

  24. Pingback: Another excellent adventure | Emjayandthem's Blog

  25. Pingback: The gift of an unconventional Holiday | Emjayandthem's Blog

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