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Snapping Strings

Maybe it happened when you had good news to share: an opportunity to talk about or the scale moving in the direction you wanted it to.

Like me, when those moments happen, you want to share them with others – friends and family – and instead, well instead sometimes you found excitement squelched by * crickets *.

But how much time have you spent dwelling on the approval you never got? May never get?

How many times has the stark silence of someone’s resistance dampened the high fives that rolled in … from others?

For me, it’s happened more than I’d like to admit.

You see, as much as I have tried to grow it up and suck it up and push all that stuff aside, it still irks me when I catch myself doing it.  When I realize how much weight I’ve allowed their actions to have.

Is it a control thing?  Is it true that when we allow what someone says or does to upset us, we are really just allowing them to control us?

google.image

google.image

I don’t think that’s it.  I think it goes deeper.

I think it goes back to the little child living in each of us. The one who just wants to be heard.

The one who wants to be relevant, charming, witty and smart.  Who wants to be valued, admired, celebrated and loved. Who wants to be invited back to the big kids table.  Who wants never to be turned away.

I’ve come to realize I might never all the connections I long for but I’ll always have me and that’s a relationship worth cultivating.  It’s probably time to snap some strings while I’m at it.

emjayandthem in grade one

emjayandthem in grade one

Will you join me?

Whose approval are you waiting for?

* * *

“I know what it’s like. I’ve seen it played out a zillion times. You’re waiting for that magical day when someone makes the connection and recognizes who you really are. Maybe they’ll first catch the sparkle in your eye. Or perhaps they’ll marvel at your insights and the depth of your spirit. Someone who will help you connect the dots, believe in yourself, and make sense of it all. Someone who will understand you, approve of you, and unhesitatingly give you a leg up so that life can pluck your ready, ripened self from the branch of magnificence. Well, I’m here to tell you, your wait is over. That someone, is you.” –  Mike Dooley

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Categories: Faith, Family, fear, Growth, Life, Life Lessons, Love, Quotes, Random, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

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32 thoughts on “Snapping Strings

  1. MJ, this really hits home to me today. All my life I wanted my family to be proud of me. It never really happened and there are stories buried deep inside telling me I was not wanted; not valued; It still hurts at times but I have tried to make peace with myself because now I know it will never happen from those in the past.

    • Oh, Linda, in some ways I wish it didn’t hit home, for all the reasons you listed. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel they were proud of you; I hope you can be proud of you. I do know the ache you speak of. Thank you for weighing in, MJ

  2. OMG Emjay you beautiful adorable first grader XO
    You are so on track with cultivating the relationship with self. It takes time to grasp our personal greatness, without stepping on others. There IS room for each one of us to be magnificent.
    I hear you. I witness your beauty and magnificence Emjay 🙂 Blessed be.

    *anna

    • Aww, thanks so much Anna. It does take time to grasp it and… you’re right .. without stepping on others. It felt narcissistic writing this, and that’s not how I meant it. I’m glad you “got” my point.

      *mj

  3. Love it MJ! This really resonates with me 🙂

  4. You’re right, MJ. And I sometimes struggle with similar issues–wanting the approval and affirmation of others, failing to give it to myself. I certainly join you in this reform effort!
    Hugs,
    Kathy

  5. It’s been years since I worried about getting approval. These days I’m just happy to not get disapproval

  6. I’ve come to the conclusion in the past year to quit trying to cultivate friendships that “aren’t there” (and maybe it’s my fault for trying so hard to be a friend) but now I’m comfortable with just being me and knowing that sometimes I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m good at things that others aren’t, and if you want to be part of my life then act like you give a shit about it (ya know?! It’s not that hard) I’ll be the first to repeatedly extend a caring hand, but then I’ll move on and away when the behavior returns. (This all sounds contradictory…but it makes sense in my world) 🙂

    We love ya MJ, and so do others. Just be you and let the chips fall where they may.
    R

    • thank you for permission to say: “if you want to be part of my life then act like you give a sh*t about it ya know?” – Amen to that!
      This post was inspired by realizing I spent too much time being upset about how 1 person failed to “see/like/support/anything” for me & how that blinded me to the ones who actually did.
      Trying to do better …

      thanks for the love, RR. Chips are falling … 🙂

      MJ

  7. I can relate to this. Sadly, within our families, there is sometimes so much bad blood, tension, rivalry or spite that feelings like this come back time and again. It’s almost to the point where it’s preferable to just refrain from talking about anything going on in our lives. There’s always someone who wants to take you down a few notches.

    Usually I can set myself apart from people with such attitudes. It’s a bit harder when it’s family.

    • Yes, that’s just it. Thank you for “getting” me … sometimes it’s within family, sometimes it’s co-workers. Either way, their refusal to celebrate anything nice going someone else’s way should be a reflection on them, but it’s still hurtful. Silence is especially so.

      I try really hard to stay away from such ones but, unfortunately, they’re EVERY WHERE!

      Have a great time in AZ; put your face in sunshine and smile to your friends in the North 🙂 MJ

  8. We are visiting the West coast for a week..so I’m on a friend’s computer.. couple of things..I always love it when I hear someone else mentioning that little child inside of them…it gives me a glimpse into their heart..and tells me they’re real. (Like the velveteen rabbit) secondly,off topic..I just noticed the pictures of the bloggers you follow on the right..very cool..great looking bunch 😉

    • I love that you checked in, far from home, thank you DM! And a comparison to the Velveteen Rabbit? aww … thank you. I love that picture display of blogging friends, too 🙂 MJ

  9. Sadly, they are everywhere. Snip-snip. If it were only that easy. On that note, let me wish you
    Cheers, G.

  10. Oh, this is a battle that we all fight. I think it must come with being human. I think everyone has someone in their life who just doesn’t get it…and the sad thing is, for so many of us, it is someone(s) who should know better…know us better, care more…but ultimately, we just have to move beyond the need, I think. If it can’t happen, then forgive them and let it go. Or try to, anyway! Sounds like you’re doing that! ~ Sheila

    • I agree that it’s part of being human. The struggle is moving away from approval to our own acceptance, I think. But then again I think, hell, what do I know? 🙂 MJ

  11. I spent about five years after my father died still looking for his approval. Craziness. But that’s where I was then. I’m not there now. It’s all about growing (and sometimes growing up) and moving on.

    • I recall your saying something like this once and thought of you when penning this, believe it or not. I am glad you are not there now and know it took a lot of work and patience and growth to get past it. Bests, MJ

  12. Wonderful post. Your voice echoes the feelings of a lot of us out here. Sometimes remembering to support ourselves gets lost in the needs and control of others. It’s a freeing and uplifting feeling when we choose to celebrate ourselves and snip the strings from the attitudes that bind us. Thank you, your post is wisdom for the soul. 🙂

    • Thank you; I have found that the posts most struggle to write are the ones that needed to be heard – and usually mostly by me. I’m glad it resonated with you. Thank you for visiting and commenting, and please do stop in again. MJ

  13. Thought provoking post, MJ. I think most of us forget about our own happiness because we seek approval from others. I had a therapist back in my 20’s tell me to look in the mirror each morning and tell myself how awesome I am… I still do… Best advise I ever received! 🙂 xoxo Sandi

  14. Pingback: On value, growth and being seen | Emjayandthem's Blog

  15. Pingback: The best part | Emjayandthem's Blog

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