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Something to look forward to

I am not sure when it happened, but there’s been a shift again.  This morning, I feel it more than ever.

Yes it has something to do with turning 50 in a couple of days. But, that’s not all of it.

The shift has to do with de-junkifying my life.

Taking a hard look at who’s in it, and who’s not. Thinking about what I’m doing, how I’m spending my days and who I’m spending them with.

Removing the naysayers, peeling away the negative Nancy’s and resisting the urge to fill up the friendship cupboard with more of the same.

It started with Facebook, with a few relatives who tend to make snarpy comments and/or comment on my commenting.  Whatever.  I started out meekly, like a playground survivor, quietly hiding them from my posts and page. Today I took control and hit the “unfriend” button.

I can’t tell you how liberating that feels.

I used my own logic:  Friends don’t act like this. Not anyone I want to be friends with anyways.

Deleted – done – gone — ahhh.

It’s happened in our personal life, too.

I’ve said no to things I don’t want to do. I’ve stopped doing for everyone.

I’ve.  Just. Stopped.

It’s not about getting older and being tired and losing interest. It’s about getting older and realizing I am interested and interesting and that I don’t  have to do it all to be loved.

I don’t have to justify who I am or wonder if someone likes me for me and not just what I will do for them.

I like me for me and finally, finally, that’s enough.

Life. It’s something to look forward to.

“I like who I am now. Other people may not. I’m comfortable. I feel freer now. I don’t want growing older to matter to me.” ― Meryl Streep

Have you ever experienced a shift like this?

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Categories: Attitude, Beauty, Confidence at any age, Faith, Family, fear, Growth, Joy, Life, Life Lessons, Personal, Random observations, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

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36 thoughts on “Something to look forward to

  1. So well said! Look like you’ve gotten into my head again. Yes, I’m starting to feel this shift in big ways. I’ve un-friended people on facebook (yikes!) You are so right, it’s freeing to be who YOU are meant to be and not trying to please everyone for the sake of being ‘liked’. How about liking yourself first? And feeling strong enough to be yourself, no matter what anyone says.

    Cheers to you and happy pre-birthday!

    • Thank you so much; I didn’t intend to post this morning and wrote this in about 20 min over a cuppa coffee. It just … came out.

      It is freeing to be who we are and who we were meant to be. Why be someone else?

      Rock on, sistah. Thanks for the bday wishes, I’m gonna roll in it 🙂 MJ

  2. Roxanne

    Yes, I’ve experienced this shift. I’m 6-1/2 years ahead of you, but yes, 50 is that magic time! You’ve expressed it so well, Marilyn. I’m loving this age and the new sensibility that has developed with it, too. (ok not so much when my back pain prevents me from doing common things, but right now I’m good)
    P.S. the thing about Facebook defriending…there are a few people who I like as people, but they insist on posting some offensive (I think) political messages…on the fence whether they should be gone. What to do?

    • Thank you, Rox. I appreciate your kind words.

      On the FB thing .. you can always hide them if they are ppl you really like/want to stay in touch with. In my case, the ones I deleted probably won’t notice .. but I did 🙂

      Bests! MJ

  3. I turned 50 last fall, and I experienced a similar shift. It started with the “Everything in your life should be beautiful, positive or valuable – including friends.” I started to ask myself if the people I interacted with made me feel good or bad. If I found myself feeling bad when I was around someone, I reduced my contact with them. It felt SO good. When I held my 50th birthday party, I made up the invite list based on people who made me want to be a better person – no “obligation” invites. It was a very uplifting party.

    • Arlene, I absolutely LOVE that quote 🙂 Thank you for sharing that with me … I feel a whole new rush of strength coming at me. What a great example you gave about having your 50th birthday party surrounded by people who you admire & appreciate. Love it!

      MJ

  4. Great post! Yes, yes, yes! I have cleaned out the negativers (is that a word) in my life. In fact, I am focusing to make sure that I am not negative. Sometimes my humor may be biting and I’m working on that. I just hate being with people who rip everyone apart. Yesterday I read a post written by one of my favs. There was a really “negative” response. She disputed some of the details. The story wasn’t about the details and they didn’t matter. I loved the blogger’s response. She said, “Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”

    • “Negativers” is now in my vocabulary, Kate, thank you for that 🙂

      I love your humor and I get it – every time! We’re connected like that… MJ

  5. Good for you, MJ! And congrats on that upcoming birthday, you “baby”, you!! It’s funny: the only people I’ve ever unfriended on FB, I’ve done so because of their language…. You may have the freedom to say and write those words, but it’s my computer screen, and I don’t care to have them staring me in the face when I look at it!
    And with that, I’ll now step down off my soapbox…!

    • Thank you, sweet pea. I don’t really have any anxiety about turning 50; truth be told, I kinda think I should have a warning that says “look out here she comes” – HA! I know I have confused the Hubbs and others of late .. it does cause confusion when you stop doing what you’ve always done.

      And I hear you on the language thing — Mom was an English teacher and always taught us that it takes no skills or personality to swear. Lesson learned 🙂

      MJ

  6. Bravo! All you youngster are “getting it”! (whatever it may be)
    At my age, I only interact with whom I choose in the virtual world and have unfriended many of my real world “not really friends” as well. Life is too short to fret over whether someone likes you or not. If you like you then you are “well done”.

    • Good for you, Linda! Thank you for weighing in and I agree with you .. life is short and it’s also really long if you’re surrounded by people who bring you down. Not. Doing. It.

      Best!
      MJ

  7. Amen, amen, and amen! You have beautifully articulated who you are from a place of strength and love! Happy birthday, my dear! Blessings to you as you age–oh, so beautifully, I might add!
    Hugs,
    Kathy

    • Thank you, Kathy — you are so kind to say that. And what a sweet compliment, too. Looking forward to following along to your Ecuadorean adventures 🙂 MJ

  8. I am SO looking forward to turning 50 in December… there is a shift… a fabulous one 🙂
    p.s. I want to hang out for a few days in the picture at the top of your blog 🙂

    • Yeah! I knew you had the shift feeling, too, Sandi, just knew it 🙂

      That picture was taken at Boyne Mountain Resort in Northern Michigan on a hot July day .. serene and gorgeous, yes it is 🙂 MJ

  9. I did that last fall during the election cycle. If a person persisted in putting out outright falsehoods and attacked the moment you disagreed, well, I cleaned them out. And I have felt much calmer since doing so. Keep doing what you have to do for you!

    • Good for you!! We are brought up to be “nice,” especially as girls, but here’s the deal: why keep people around who grind you down? Not doing it … I agree with you, keep doing what you do for you, it’s not like anyone else will! 🙂
      MJ

  10. Morning
    I’m ahead of you but behind you also – For me – it was when I turned 60
    I have a sign in my office that says I do not spend time with mean people …. Period
    God bless

  11. Happy birthday, MJ. Just think of all the weight you lost with that shift.

    • Totally, I felt lighter and brighter and happier today. Bing-bam-boom – just like that.

      I know I might fall back into old habits, there’s a caretaker who lives in me and probably always will. And that’s ok. It’s all about balance, right?

      Bests! MJ

  12. It was in the first year I began my blog, 2010, that I felt that “shift” begin with me and have since had to unfriend someone dear to me. I had enough of feeling like a doormat. I had enough of the bashing, to me and to others. It had become too much through the years and just too ugly. I didn’t want to do it anymore, I was wore out. It’s liberating to finally just say, “Enough, I’m so done.” I have since thought of it as “transitioning”. I guess all of life is…always shifting, always transitioning and hopefully always towards something better, something more fulfilling, something more…healthy!
    Have a beautiful day.
    I truly love this blog of yours. Always making us think. Always making us reflect and take stock.
    ~dee

    • OH!! PS! Happy Glorious Birthday! (jeez, sorry!)

      • Oh it will be .. and already is. My employees teamed up and send me a beautiful bouquet of flowers (not necessary but oh so wonderful). I’ve got tomorrow off, I’m getting up early and having coffee with old dog, reading blogs and lounging. Then .. a few errands till party time: hubbs rented a hall and we have a DJ, caterer and a bar + 100 friends & fam. Big doings and I am going to kick up my heels, wear a party dress and a big smile and just roll in it LOL!
        MJ

    • “I was wore out.” Truer words were never spoken. And you know, if asked, you’d never tell your boy to just put up with it. So why do we? To keep the peace? {what peace} To save face? {whose?}
      It is liberating to cut the strings … I remember being frozen with the fear of thinking, “what will I do if they don’t notice?” but I did it anyways. Guess what happened? Nothing. What had to change was ME – to stop giving it away. Not everyone deserves some of what we got.

      Let’s lean into the light, into the happy, into the good. Let’s leave the balderdash behind and enjoy the lemonade as the sun hits our smiling faces. 🙂

      I love that you love my blog; thank you, sweet friend. Nicer words were never said.

      😉 MJ

  13. Happy 50!

    What a great way to celebrate — losing the hangers on who don’t add anything to the party!

  14. I totally agree MJ. “Just be yourself” is becoming easier, AND the older I get the cooler the older folks with the same attitude are. 😉
    R

    • “Be yourself; everyone else is taken.”

      You’re cool, RR, and I know if we were neighbors we’d be friends 🙂
      MJ

  15. Happy, Happy Birthday!! I felt the same way when I turned 50. Not to be selfish, but it became “all about me” (for a minute or two or three). Then I became more relaxed, I laughed more, I began to enjoy just living more…. 🙂

  16. You’re right. As much as we lament the fact of aging, it definitely has its perks and this is one of them. I’m slowly entering a similar phase in my own life, learning to give myself permission to cut off the people in my life who are toxic to me and my family. It’s not an easy choice, especially when it involves family. But at this point in life, it’s easier to see that it can be the right choice. Good for you for taking the leap!

    • Yep — I’ve started taking my own advice. If I wouldn’t tell a friend to continue putting up with the b.s. why would I continue to do it myself? Not. Doing. It.

      So freeing!

      🙂 MJ

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