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They never considered that I might not say yes

So here’s the thing with family – most are great but there are some who aren’t nice or maybe they  are sometimes nice but consistently behave badly… which to me means they aren’t … all that nice. Anyways…

People like this use others.  They appear when they want something.  They bring nothing to the party but drama, troubles and tears.

I’ve made a conscious effort to rid my life of them.  None of the ridding has been done without reason. And, it’s taken years, but I no longer feel any obligation whatsoever.

Such a relative has re-surfaced and this time is manipulating an elderly auntie to do her bidding.  To weasel her way back into our lives.

Here’s a recap of a recent phone conversation between me and said auntie:

Her: “I saw so & so the other day and we were talking about how nice it would be for all of us to meet up for lunch … so she suggested I set it up.”

Me: “Oh .. thanks but no.”

Her: “Well she just really misses seeing you and it would sure be nice for me if we could all be together.”

Me: “Yeah … I hear what you’re saying but no.”

Her: “Well it won’t be till later this fall .. so you have time to think about it.”

Me: (getting angry) “OK, here’s the thing:  I don’t trust her, I don’t like her,  and I don’t want anything to do with her.   She’s sneaking around and using you to get to me. I’m sorry this is not the answer you hoped for but please hear me when I say, no, I’m not going. Ever.”

Her: “Well you just think on it and let me know.”

Me: “GAH!”

As trying as the conversation was,  I can smile now.

Why?  Because, once again, I’ve learned that saying no translates into a big, fat YES… for me.

 ~ ~ ~

My spidey senses are tingling!

My spidey senses were tingling and for good reason!

What’s your strategy for dealing with snakes? Run? Hide?  Stomp? 🙂

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Categories: Attitude, Determination, Faith, Family, Growth, Home, Life Lessons, Personal, Quotes, Relationships, Self Discovery, Thoughts, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

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27 thoughts on “They never considered that I might not say yes

  1. Two things I am doing with (2) toxic relative/ relationships currently.. #1 Avoid (like you) and #2 started praying God’s blessing over their lives, jobs, etc. I was convicted just this past week that I was carrying some unresolved angst in my heart towards two family members which was robbing some of my joy, in spite of the fact I have intentionally kept myself away from both of them…they both live locally, and I do run into them on occasion. They are broken people, full of themselves, and I am done trying…

    • I have done some of both … but in this case I prayed as much for myself (strength and courage) as I did for them. The bottom line is that I don’t feel obligated b/c of bloodlines. If someone is a pain to be around .. they’re a pain .. but not to me ’cause I’m long gone. Insert puffed cloud where I once stood 🙂

      MJ

  2. I too say, “No.” But that turns into “Yes!” I’m getting better though and may stick to it on my deathbed. 🙂

    • I used to get talked into a yes then went and was miserable the whole time — and by going I let that person back in. I am stronger now and know what I want – and don’t. I no longer make room in my relationship cupboard for toxic people 🙂
      MJ

  3. Miriam E. Thompson

    I’m dealing with this as well. I do not have the answer but setting up boundaries works food me. I do not allow this person to dictate the course of my life. There is nothing wrong with putting healthy boundaries in place.

  4. Miriam E. Thompson

    I meant ”for”.

  5. Good for you for saying no! I never say no. And then I just get mad at the same old repeated bad behavior and sulk about it later. I keep telling myself I won’t go back for more, but I always do. Maybe you’ll inspire me to do things differently next time.

    • Try it, just once. Then stick with it. Remember that a line in the sand is worth only as much as you’re willing to stand behind it!
      It went against my nature to do so because I’d been brought up to be “nice” = translation just take it and make it easier on everyone else.
      Nope. Can’t do it – correction – won’t do it any longer. I’ll be polite in public (weddings & funerals) but more than that? No … it’s a sentence!
      🙂 MJ

  6. Shame on her for manipulating a little old lady. Now you feel like you might let your aunt down. It also sounds like your aunt can’t hear you! Stick with your guns and say no! I section of my family is split off too. There are some “peace makers” in the extended family who try to intervene but no one is budging.

    • I agree .. shame on her. I do a lot with the auntie so I smiled while telling her that we’ll still do all that we do but don’t even think of “surprising” me with the snake. She didn’t really hear me, either, so we shall see. If she chooses the other one then I’m out.

      Believe me when I say I have tried the peacemaking role with this person, too, and all it got me was more heartache. Nope .. that train left the station and I was happy to be rid of it/her.

      We will see her at weddings & funerals and she’ll hang on us like we’re best buds. Whatever. Jimmy Cracked Corn!

      MJ

  7. good for you!!
    R

  8. I RUN from snakes… did that earlier this year. Suffering a bit of the consequences, but they are far less of a problem than if I hadn’t run from the snake! I consider them toxic and I’ve eliminated most of them from my life. Still working on a few. But NO, definitely means NO in my book. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of talking to your aunt about it again.

  9. Laughing. Great story. I can absolutely relate. Beautifully done. HOLD YOUR GROUND.

  10. Good for you. Sounds as though Auntie’s hearing wasn’t too good that day!

  11. “No” is a sentence. Right on!
    I’ve found the more a person practices healthy boundaries the easier it gets.
    Sounds like you’re on the right road MJ!
    That person should be ashamed of themselves. Tsk.
    ~d.

  12. Jude

    I said “Yes” when I knew better. BIG mistake!! Between you and Maya Angelou, I should know better by now. Lol.

    • Well we’ve all been there – sometimes things happen for a reason like one last little lesson 🙂 Good to hear from you again, Jude! MJ

  13. Pingback: On watering | Emjayandthem's Blog

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