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It’s the cliches that cause the trouble

10 years have passed since he left us. 10 years.

And despite what people say, time doesn’t heal everything – it never gets easier, missing someone you love. You just get through it and, over the years, you get used to the ache that remains.

For those of you who didn’t know my Dad, let me tell you a little about him. His name was Lloyd.

He put cookies in his pocket & kept licorice and peppermints in the truck. He didn’t go anywhere without a favorite cap or a little grin on his face. He loved people, but he had a soft spot for children and animals, especially dogs. He taught me where to find Saskatoon berries, to appreciate the land we farmed, to be fearless, to drive a stick shift, to read the sky, and to dance while standing on his toes. He taught me girls could do anything but that it was perfectly OK to look like one, too, and without too much makeup. He taught me that doors should be opened for ladies and that if someone came into the yard and honked they could just keep on driving. He taught me to be helpful, to fix what I could, to re-use what I had, to preserve what was good and to let go what wasn’t. He taught me real men cry, cherish their wives, tickle their children, and are playful, gentle and loyal. Dad loved to dance, kid around, make up silly songs and laugh; most of all, he loved his wife and every single one of us kids and all grand kids and greats, friends, family and neighbors. He was a man of few words. He didn’t need them I suppose. His actions spoke volumes. He showed up.

my Dad as a young man; an Emjayandthem (C) photo

Dad as a young man; an Emjayandthem (C) photo

As much as I long to hear his voice and see his kind face, I continue to be overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude for the gift of a kind and loving father. Who gets that? We did. So lucky.

“You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?”
― Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body

Who are you missing today?

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Categories: Faith, Family, Gratitude, Grief, Growth, Life, Life Lessons, Love, Men, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

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22 thoughts on “It’s the cliches that cause the trouble

  1. SO true..thinking of my dad and mom..

  2. Wonderful memories! You are right…some things you get used to, but never over.

  3. Aw….that is a powerful quote. And I love reading your special thoughts of your dad.

    • Isn’t it though? Dad and youngest boy share a birthday – youngest boy turned 21 on Sunday – that opened the floodgates right there. Miss him so much, MJ

  4. In the way that you are what you eat; you are who you love too.

  5. What a wonderful tribute to your father. I wish I had known him then, but I feel I know him now – through your beautiful words and your memories. Thank you for sharing.

    • You would have loved him – everyone did. He was shy but curious and he loved visiting and meeting new people 🙂 He would have been so interested in your Shenandoah views! MJ

  6. Beautiful tribute. My dad died when I was 11. I still miss him and can easily be moved to tears just thinking of him.

    • Yes – we never get over it. The loss is always there, sometimes closer to the surface than others.
      How hard that must have been for you to have lost him at 11; I’m so sorry.
      MJ

  7. Oh my, this is absolutely beautiful. I think I would have been comfortable meeting him because it sounds like he was very comfortable in his own skin. Yes, you are very lucky to have the memories and no, one doesn’t get over it. How can we approach the holidays and not think of them?

    • He was. He was a bit shy but very curious and loved to meet new people and learn new things. He was a great sport – and open to many things. Nearly 500 people came to his funeral and the stories that were told of his kindness and helpfulness warm my heart still.

      I miss him so much; he loved visiting us in Texas and he was particularly fond of Ninfa’s fajitas ~ he’d eat the cold leftovers right out of the fridge 🙂

      Thank you for your kindness, GS. MJ

  8. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
    R

    • And thank you for visiting. I know that you know what it’s like to lose a Father and the ache that lingers with you long after the initial loss.
      MJ

  9. Instantly thought of an Alan Jackson song when I read this tribute of your dad. Some of the details are different ( ie. substitute Canadian Farmer for Southern man) but the rest of it so much reminds me of your dad. Listen to the words @ about 1:40- 1:50 on the clip….”the greatest contribution…. Also, I feel like I really really get a glimpse into YOUR heart reading reading that list of things he taught you. You are a blessed daughter, and you know it 😉 DM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zwq9RCeISY
    I got choked up rewatching that clip just now.

    • Thank you, DM, for your thoughts and for sharing that song. I had heard it before but had never seen the video – it made me tear up, too 🙂

      If you got a glimpse into his character and my love for him through my words well then I’ve done my job as a writer! I am a blessed daughter, you’re so right!!
      MJ

  10. Most often, it’s my maternal grandmother who I miss, even though she’s been gone for what seems like forever. She made such a positive impact. She loved us all so fiercely that even all these years later, we still feel it.

    Your dad loved you well, and clearly his ability to love has been returned to him abundantly. Thanks for letting us get to know him a little bit. I like your dad!

    • She sounds like a wonderful gal; you’ve written of her before and I remember 🙂

      He was a good guy and loads of fun ~ I’m sure you would have loved him! MJ

  11. Thanks for sharing your dad with us. If only all dads could be like that.

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