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Monthly Archives: July 2016

‘Till next time

There’s no other way to say it than to say it: Mom passed away last week.

She’d been up & down and things weren’t getting better; but we’d been there before, collectively holding our breath.  And then the little bit would rally and surprise us all, over and over again.

Oldest sister sat with her last Sunday and they talked frankly about things; thankfully Mom made her own choices about being moved from the nursing home to the hospital.  “No way,” she said emphatically.  But the meds weren’t working as they had before.  Sissy asked if she was tired and Mom said yes, yes she was.  Sissy told her it was OK to rest that she would sit with her and she did. She asked about calling the others. Mom’s response was a typical Mom response, “Don’t believe that’s necessary.”  Sissy did anyway and they all visited the next day.  The morning after that, Mom slipped quietly away.

Even when you expect it, there’s no way to prepare for the loss of someone you love. You can’t.  All you can do hold on as hard as you can and brace yourself for the waves of grief that are sure to come. Some are Tsunamis, some are ankle nippers.  You try not to drown.  I’m still there, some days floating, other days gasping.

I had booked flights for my nephew’s wedding at the end of July; our oldest son’s wedding is this Saturday.  It was so like her to slip off before all that – not wanting to cause a fuss. It was so like her to put space between those milestones so as not to tamper anyone’s joy.

Tickets have been changed, I’ll leave sooner.

She wanted to be cremated and for us to hold a service “when it made sense.”  That was also so her. We laugh about how, even now, she’s still ‘large & in charge.’  Sobs come through our stories.

We’ll have a service at the grave site then a gathering in the town hall with several hundred people followed by a lunch. There’s no church big enough!!  And not having everything this week or next gives people time to come.  And they are. By the droves.  Not just locally but from all over Canada & the U.S. as well.   Mom was well-known and loved; friends & family want the opportunity to tell their stories and pay their respects.  I’ve tried to help where I can, making phone calls, sending photos, and just being part of things.  But I know when I step off the plane that grief will hit me in the face like a wet towel.  Drafting her obituary last night stung but I was  honored to do so.

As sad as I am and as much as I’ll miss her I know she’s free.  She’s with Dad on a date night, holding the winning ticket to a fast horse, enjoying a hot Rye, her purse just a-swinging.    I smile knowing Frankie’s tucked up under Heaven’s kitchen table getting fatter by the second; she always called that dog “the Gentleman.”  Her Mom and Dad are there, she’s with other pals and family.  Farm dogs, barn kitties and ponies we’ve lost along the way are all snuggled up close to her. How can we be sad at that?

Mom and Dad with one of their winning horses - and a date night. An Emjayandthem(C) photo

Mom and Dad with one of their winning horses – and a date night. An Emjayandthem(C) photo

No, the sadness, that’s for us. The sadness comes in knowing we have to wait to see her again. And I’m not that patient.

But mixed with the grief is the gratitude: for all who she was, all that she did, and how deeply we loved her.

I’ve lived far from home for 32+ years. She and I enjoyed many happy visits, there, here, other places, plus other trips and adventures. We had a thing: we never said “good-bye” we always said, “’till next time.”  The last time I was home with her, when it came time to leave for the airport, she stood to hug me and laid her head on my chest. We stood quietly like that, her head on me, me supporting her, and her hugging me tightly. I’ll never forget that hug.  Breaking apart we looked each other in the eyes and said “till next time.”   She smiled and I smiled and headed out the door.

Soon my siblings and cousins, aunties and friends will gather – we’ll share her stories and we’ll sing her songs.  We’ll find ourselves saying the things she would have said. We’ll sip on a Rye and we’ll reflect on the gift of a Mother happy to be one.  On the gift that was her.

related:

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ~ Kahlil Gibran  

angels-kiss

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Categories: Attitude, Confidence at any age, Determination, Faith, Family, Gratitude, Grief, Growth, Home, Life, Love, Mom, Personal, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Random 5 Friday – moving, dressing, weddings and dogs

Random 5 Friday is here again and wow – what a whirlwind it’s been.  You should know that I’ve composed many posts in my head but I do believe random ramblings are all I’m capable of today 🙂

Random Five Friday pic

1) Packing. Moving. Sorting. Unpacking. Unmoving. Unsorting.  I discovered a pattern: there wasn’t one. I’d been pretty organized ahead of it all and my guys did the heaving lifting.  They did a great job grabbing boxes and putting them where they thought they should go.  Awesome!  That’s great till your first morning in your new house and you can find sweaters, socks and clothes for WINTER but can’t find lightweight dresses for SUMMER. GAH!  I made it work but at my first meeting I probably looked like I dressed in the dark.  Wonder if folks just think I have eclectic tastes?

Maybe not quite this vibrant but you get the idea; google.images. com

Maybe not quite this vibrant but you get the idea; google.images. com

2) Oldest boy is getting married in 2 weeks.  2 Weeks!!  2 minutes ago they got engaged.  For more … read this post I wrote to her.  With permission, it will be on display at the wedding! 🙂

Couple Love concept

Couple Love concept

3) It’s Canada Day today (!) and Independence Day Monday (!) – my 8th as a Citizen…. so much to celebrate!  Hubbs is going to enjoy some golf, I’m going to unpack and cook and enjoy some down time with him out on the patio.  You?

... a bit of patriotism on the farm ...

…the Canadian Flag at my brother’s farm …

4)  Working this morning then cleaning at the old house.  I’ll scrub carpets, wash down walls, and pretty up the bathrooms.  The house will go on the market next week – along with 3 others on our street!  Thankfully it’s located in a desirable neighborhood with great schools and we’re in prime time to sell.  Between you and me, I really hope a young family falls in love with it and I hope to God they get a dog.  That house misses having a dog race downstairs in a thunderstorm, sniff the perimeters and cozy up to the fire.  Our old dog Frankie can still be felt there and I like to think he’ll be part of the welcoming committee, especially once they spark up the grill!

our Frankie-bear

our Frankie-bear

5) 3 weeks has me flying home for a wedding & a visit with Mom.  Years ago I bought her this picture and she hung it in her bedroom. It now hangs in my new house. She’d like that.  I am looking forward to my nephew’s wedding and seeing everyone but mostly, I’m longing for time with her.

A Victorian Prayer

A Victorian Prayer

 

What are your plans this weekend? Have you ever shown up somewhere looking like you dressed in the dark?   What random thought comes to mind when you hear the word, “moving?”

* * Happy Canada Day!  Happy Independence Day!   * *

Categories: Attitude, Blogging, Faith, Family, Fun, Growth, Holidays, Joy, Life, Mom, Patriotic, Personal, Quotes, Thoughts, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

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