Posts Tagged With: going home

The desire to be whole again

Next week I’m stepping away from all that is my world and returning to my childhood home: the farm I grew up on in rural Saskatchewan, Canada. The farm-house where I lived from birth till 19.  The yard where I played and coulees where all our adventures were carried out.  Mom’s still there, my brother and his wife are just across the way and sissy is up the hill.  Cows, farm dogs, wind, a wide open sky and conversations that meander in and out and go on forever.

an Aerial view of the family farm .. an Emjayandthem(C) photo

an aerial view of the family farm .. House and Homestead top left, barns and corrals lower right. An Emjayandthem(C) photo

A family wedding is the cause for celebration and I’ll be Mom’s date!   She with her Oxygen and a twinkle in her eye.  I teased her that we’ll “Thelma & Louise-it,” without the driving off the cliff part.  She snorted.  But when I told her that if we see Brad Pitt hitch-hiking I’m pulling over, she laughed out loud.  God, I love her.

themaand louise

Up to no good. Google.images.com

To say things there are familiar would be an understatement. The truth is, time has a way of standing still in your childhood home. And it’s comforting to know that some things still remain.

The kitchen radio, on from sun up to sundown, with farm reports and cattle prices, corny jokes and auction announcements.

The bedspread from the Sears catalogue, the same one that’s been on my bed since I was in college.  Cheery and clean, waiting for me.

Mixing bowls nestled where they’ve always been, tin foil in the 2nd drawer, and a toaster you have to jiggle the cord for.  A big can of coffee sits on the floor near the fridge, just under that east window.  Ivory soap in the dish by the sink, the same one where Dad stood as he cleaned up at night.  I swear I can still see him standing there sometimes.

... Dad's

… Dad’s “shop” .. where I still expect to hear him whistling … An Emjayandthem (C) photo

Books in bookshelves, pictures on walls, throw pillows arranged just so.

And at night?

Quiet.  Dark.  No streetlights, no cars rushing by, nothing.  Just quiet.

Big deep skies with stars that go on forever and, if I’m lucky, the Northern lights will visit me, too.

image from canada-maps.org

image from canada-maps.org

In the morning, I’ll be up with the birds and outside as daylight arrives.  I’ll visit the cows and play with the kitties, feel the wind blowing, and the farm dog will tag along with me.  My soul will sing and my smiles will not be contained.

Laddy and Stevie... family farm; an Emjayandthem photo (C)

Laddy and Stevie… family farm; an Emjayandthem photo (C)

I know things have changed, she’s had some setbacks, but her spirit is as strong as ever. She’s loyal as ever to her Riders football team, debates the news, and is a voracious reader. Talking about my visit and our plans, she said with such longing,  “It’s going to go by so fast.”

me & mom MD 2014

Me & Mom, Mothers Day 2014. An Emjayandthem (C) photo

I know.

I know.

That’s why I already feel the pinch because to stop everything and spend eight days together, every day, every meal, every night, and roll in those moments when it’s just the two of us, let me tell you what: I love it.  I love that we get to laugh and talk and tell stories and secrets and be girlfriends for a while.  Yes I’ll get out of her hair and take a walk and stretch my legs and when I come back in there she’ll be .. waiting for me.  Bright eyed. Ready to pick up right where we left off.

And I’ll thank God for the opportunity to love the life I have but still be so very lucky that I can touch wood, kiss her face and feel whole again.

“The desire to go home that is a desire to be whole, to know where you are, to be the point of intersection of all the lines drawn through all the stars, to be the constellation-maker and the center of the world, that center called love. To awaken from sleep, to rest from awakening, to tame the animal, to let the soul go wild, to shelter in darkness and blaze with light, to cease to speak and be perfectly understood.”  ― Rebecca Solnit

 

Can you go back to your childhood home?  What’s the experience like for you?  Have you ever spent an entire week just hanging out with one of your parents? If not, I recommend it ~ you might be amazed what you’ll learn!

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Categories: Attitude, Confidence at any age, Faith, Family, Friendship, Fun, Gratitude, Growth, Home, Joy, Life, Opinion, Personal, Quotes, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Nameless moments

Some of you know I am heading out tomorrow … off to spend a week with Mom, and our first Mother’s Day together in 29 years.   The numbers astound even me.  Of course I’ve visited many times since I left Canada at age 22 but I’ve never been there on Mother’s Day.   This is just as much for me as it is for her, I can admit that.

Stepping out of one world and through the doors to another.  Away from smart phones and conference calls, instant messaging and project meetings.  Away from traffic and busyness and into the arms of a tiny-faced lady who will hug me with everything she’s got.

I’ll step away from stewarding my team, being a wife, Mom and Nana and back to the roles of daughter, (little) sister and “that girl who used to sing and play guitar.”

I’ve got a few things ready – including a funeral outfit – because, as Sissy pointed out, “I thought you’d want to attend and you’ll surely see lots of people you know.” And she’s right.  That’s how small towns are.  Funerals, weddings, gatherings; regardless the circumstance, the timing is such that I can take Mom, pay my respects and have a visit. And some pie.

My carry-on bag is already heavy and full – full of books for Mom.  A friend pointed out airline weight limits; I just smiled and said, “Yeah, I know.”  Oh there’s a fee? Whatever, I’ll pay it.  She didn’t get it and I didn’t expect that she would.

You see, when you only see your Mother once a year, you can get defensive with anyone who tells you how to do it.

Sissy will meet me at the airport and we’ll cry. Then we’ll laugh at our sappiness and enjoy the country drive together.  We’ll stop in town to pick up a few things and it’ll take longer to check out because I’ll end up chatting with a neighbor at the till.  Yep, when you see your sister only once a year, you tend to savor little moments like those.

So after I land at the farm and the hugs are exchanged, the chats and laughs will begin.   I’ll get up early and go for walks down our country road with my sister-in-law and her farm dog, Stevie. On the way back I’ll stop by Dad’s shop where I’ll find a brother or two and chat about whatever topic we fancy.  When I get back Mom will be at the table and there we’ll linger in that morning sunshine, sipping coffee and ignoring the ticking of the clock and the knowledge that I have to board again soon.

We’ll stay up late peppering the air with our opinions on world events and family nuances.  I’ll stand at her stove and cook for her and sing along to Willie, Elvis and Roy, just like we did when I was a girl. We’ll sip tea and nibble the lemon loaf she’s baked for me; she’ll fuss and I’ll let her.

We’ll gather at her house for a Mother’s Day brunch – about twenty of us – and she’ll beam at the noise and commotion that all of being together brings. We’ll miss those who can’t be there and every single one of us will feel Dad in the room.

And for seven days, I will ask those clocks to slow, just a little.

Me & Mom rocking the Casino last summer!

Me & Mom rocking the Casino last summer!

 The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you. ~Anonymous

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Categories: Attitude, Faith, Family, Home, Life, Love, Mom, Quotes | Tags: , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Thoughts on a Thursday

1. Today’s my Friday!    In a week Sissy will greet me at the Saskatoon airport and, between a mix of tears and smiles, we’ll make our way to Mom’s where I’ll remain for 7 days.  Getting ready for a trip like that means I need a bit of time at home first.   I’ll tidy up tomorrow, cook a few meals to pop in the freezer, and spend some time with my guys and grands.  Ahh .. Heaven.

Appreciate the little things in life, one day you’ll look back and realize those were the big things.Anonymous

2. Speaking of Mom, she and I talked last night and she had questions about “this Mother’s Day brunch” I’m organizing.  She’s one capable lady and wanted the details.  Who’s coming? What time?  What should we make, etc.  But it was her quiet mention of inviting a distant grandchild that touched my heart. My oldest brother’s daughter, the one she doesn’t see as much as the others.  The one with her own family and Mother to Mom’s 3 great-grandsons.  My response, “Mom, if you’d like to include them then by all means do so.”   I could hear her smiles over the phone.  It’s just food and I can make more. 🙂

A mom reads you like a book, and wherever she goes, people read you like a glowing book review.  ~Robert Brault

3.  The company I work for announced some big news this week and I know that means reorganizations and realignment in our future.  People are already jockeying and posturing and aligning.   I am in a good place and probably have as much security as could be had, given the situation.   Having said that, it’s not the news that rattles me, it’s the behavior.  Geez Louise, people, do your work, stay the course, and let it sort itself out.

“Whatever follows ‘I am’ is going to come looking for you.” – Joel Osteen

4. Speaking of family, I called my sister last night. No, not Sissy, the other one, the one I haven’t been as close to.  Yes it was awkward, but over a bit of time, she warmed up and the conversation was a bit easier.   Of course, we stayed in a safe swim lane of topics – Mom, the weather, and my sister’s life. There was no inquiry of me and mine, but that’s not new,  it’s just more.   I know the effort was probably for naught, but when I listened to Mom speak longingly of her sisters, she helped me remember  that I still have two.

It doesn’t take a whole long life to realize that what we deserve to have, we rarely get.” ― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

5. Totally off topic, I saw this recently and cracked up. I bet you do, too:

yep!

yep!

Happy Thursday, peeps!

 

Categories: Attitude, Faith, Family, Friendship, Growth, Home, Life, Life Lessons, Mom, Opinion, Personal, Random, Self Discovery, Thoughts, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

R5F – not new, just more

Random 5 Friday! The quickest round of thoughts this ole brain can conjure up all week. Ready?  Here we go!

1. I heard recently that its not drinking that makes people gain weight, it’s the food choices that inevitably follow.  I think the same could be said for exercise.  I’ve been working out regularly for about 6 weeks now and my appetite afterwards envies that of a Badger.   Step away from the hungry lady.

touch my food, I dare ya!

touch my food, I dare ya!

2.  How is it nearly May? How?  We had snow in MI this week.  The weather people like to taunt viewers with stats like this:  “Today is the 188th day since our first snowfall!” And they smile as they say it.  How do they sleep at night?

3. Every year I seem to develop new sayings that describe certain situations or people.  A few years ago it was, “Not for you.” This year, after witnessing continued lunacy from more than one individual, it’s evolved to, “It’s not new, it’s just more.”  Think about a person whose behavior is disruptive in your life.  Is it new or is it … just more.  Gah!

4.  Stopped last night to complete the weekend grocery run.  Why? It’s not storming, no, but there’s something about completing that one little chore that makes me wonderfully happy. I can stay home all weekend if I want to — or not  — but that chore is done like dinner.  Whoop!!

5. 2 weeks from now, I’ll be happily ensconced at my Mother’s house, sipping tea, eating pie, talking politics, catching up on local doings.  To say I’m looking forward to it would be an understatement.   I’ll be smiling like a kitty on a cushion!

happy cat

Who comes to mind when you hear, “It’s not new, it’s just more.”  Do you ever do your chores in advance?   Does exercise turn you into a rabid wolverine?  Do tell! Happy Friday, peeps.

ha!

ha!

 

Categories: Animals, Attitude, Confidence at any age, Determination, Family, Food, Home, Joy, Life, Opinion, Personal, Rants, Relationships, Snarky, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

And a slow healing began

Something I love about traveling is meandering around in a new environment.  Going home to the family farm in Saskatchewan is no different. No, it’s not new, but it’s new to my soul in a way that says, “C’mere kid-in-the-city  … breathe this, relax a minute and for goodness sakes, touch home base already.”

Because I live in the Eastern Time zone, my bio-clock is hours ahead of the prairies which, by the way, don’t change their clocks for anyone.  There’s no particular reason that I know of, just didn’t see the need to I suppose.

But, because of that, I found myself up hours earlier than Mom. Fine with me; I’d start the coffee and quietly slip outside into that sweet morning air.

What a gentle and lovely way to wake.

Mom’s flowers

I’d walk around and listen for the songs of the songbirds, embrace the wind and the sounds of my shoes crunching on the gravel below. And then I’d stop and hear not a thing more.  Ahh.

Old & new and bright red, too!

I’d stop by the old barn and make a few new friends.

too scared… not coming closer

this one was braver than most.

2 – count ’em – 2 babies to feed

I’d meander on over to Dad’s workshop and stand for a moment, feeling like he could walk in humming a tune at any time now.

… right where he left things

I’d marvel at the original family homestead and wonder about how cold those Saskatchewan winters must have been in this house.

imagine wintering in this?

Later, after supper was done and I had Mom tucked into her favorite chair, sometimes, sometimes I’d slip out once more and find myself in the golden hour. (And yes, I thought of you, Dianna ),

.. we used to pretend-drive in this

and play “Cops & Indians” out here .. on horseback ..

and then, then I’d make my way back to the farmyard, winding East, and notice how a golden sun happened to bathe a golden horse.

.. heavenly

Quickly, the sky would change and a shiver would sneak up my arms.  I’d take one last peek West and say “so long” to the sun.

one of God’s many paintings

And the next day, I’d get up and do it all over again.

“Then I discovered the prairie, and a slow healing began.” – Stephen R. Jones, The Last Prairie

Categories: Attitude, Beauty, Home, Joy, Life, Personal, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 50 Comments

What the daughter does

So, I haven’t shared much of this before now, but my Mom’s had some health issues this summer and is currently recouping at my sister’s.   My sister, a nurse by trade and a caretaker by heart, has fluffed the pillows, simmered the soup and baked the bread.  Mom’s snuggled, tucked and loved and if there is a place for her that’s better than sissy’s, I’d be hard pressed to tell you where it is.

Chatting Sunday, I was startled when Mom give me something other than her usual “I’m fine.”

Knowing I was planning a visit this fall anyways, she said, “I think you ought to come sooner than later.  Besides, I can use the help.”

And, to the best of my ability, when Mom asks, I go.

So with that, I’m prairie-bound this morning.

I’ll try my best to help, to cheer, to comfort, and to engage.  I’ll also take the opportunity to say the things I need to say.  Because as hard as it is to get those words out, those are the one I think most need to be said. You know what I mean: expressions of emotion that dwell so close to our hearts that they pinch when we release them.  And even though I’ll probably stumble my way through, I’m determined to step over my fears and say them anyways.

And mostly? Mostly I aim to do for her what she’s done for me.

“What the daughter does, the Mother did.”
-unknown

Categories: Faith, fear, Home, Life, Love, Mom, Personal | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 49 Comments

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She's A Maineiac

just another plaid-wearin' java-sippin' girl

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Wordsmith's Desk

some thoughts along the way

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

music, poetry, musings, photography and philosophy from a woman who found her way back home and wants you to come over for a hike and a cocktail.

these days of mine

Stop in and see what's happening during these days of mine

When I Ride...

How life coaches me as I ride...

RICH RIPLEY

EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS...

Happily After Retirement

- Loving where I am right now!

A Little Wild Farm

Planting roots on our little wild farm.

Connie Rosser Riddle

Connecting with People in My Path

Atypical 60

A Typical Blog. A Typical Woman. A Typical Take On Life. With An Atypical Twist!

A New Day Dawns

Arise, shine, for your light has come...Isaiah 60

Virginia Views

Country Living for Beginners

Views and Mews by Coffee Kat

Kate's views on life edited by four opinionated cats

Renee Johnson Writes

Novelist, Traveler, and More

Life Is A Journey... Not A Guided Tour

My Journey From Merchant Mariner to Mother, And Spiritual Being.

notquiteold

Nancy Roman

She's A Maineiac

just another plaid-wearin' java-sippin' girl

I also live on a farm

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Wordsmith's Desk

some thoughts along the way

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

music, poetry, musings, photography and philosophy from a woman who found her way back home and wants you to come over for a hike and a cocktail.

these days of mine

Stop in and see what's happening during these days of mine

When I Ride...

How life coaches me as I ride...

RICH RIPLEY

EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS...