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Posts Tagged With: margins

Margins, people and porcupines

I stunned a co-worker when I explained how I’d rid myself of the rat.  See, after he was pushed out of left the company, he tried to get back in.  He tried, more than once, to exert whatever authority he’d once had to weasel his way back. He tried but he failed.

Listening intently my friend asked, “Well how did you do it? What did you say?”

I simply shared that I had been honest and direct with no wiggle room for misinterpretation: I told the rat I didn’t want a relationship. With him. Then. Silence.

“You what?” my friend asked. “You heard that right. That’s what I said.”

Of course, being the narcissist that he is, the rat turned the table on me and became the victim. That’s what Narcissists do.  Whatever. ~Yawn~.

You see, with certain people you cannot beat around the bush. As hard as may be to do you can’t be subtle. You will fail.  You have to spell things out c-l-e-a-r-l-y so there’s no room for Wiley Coyotes to belly crawl back in.

Using the margins analogy, I referenced the wired ruler books we all used to carry in grade school. The center part, where the lines are, is where our work, family and obligations live. The margins represent our free time, our weekends, where dreams live.  When my margins shrink I get very discerning about who takes up space there.

I used this example recently when someone recounted all of the past hurts another had caused her, over and over again. I heard the anguish in her voice, the frustration, the pain.  Now I don’t know about you but when I rehash past traumas I rarely feel better; often, I feel worse.   So I countered with how stepping away from toxic people has helped me heal. It didn’t change them, no, they’re as ornery as ever.  But being absent from their negativity has changed me.  It was in sharing my growth that I thought to give her this advice:

don't pet the porcupine

Now this little guy, Teddy Bear, is so cute eating (and commenting on) his treat. But I know better than to pet him.

You?

 

 

Whose personality comes to mind as you read this?  How are your margins looking these days?   What would you like to make room for?

*Thanks to DM for the margins reference. Love it!

 

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Categories: Animals, Attitude, Determination, Faith, fear, Growth, Life, Life Lessons, Opinion, Personal, Quotes, Relationships, Self Discovery, Useful Information | Tags: , , , , , | 11 Comments

Don’t forget to live

So, like you, we’re busy.  Busy, busy, busy.  Work- busy. Kids-busy. Social life-busy.  One big bunch of busy buzzing bees.   And I don’t know about you, but I’m a little sick of how busy we are.  Just talking about it is getting boring.

46478-We-Make-Time-For-What-We-Truly-Want

Wah! I don’t have time …

Look around: it’s like a new badge to claim– can you multi-task, what are you missing to be here with me, what else is going on, what? What?  But what are we busy at? Being busy?

I’m not on call. But I feel like I am.  I’ve worked hard at keeping boundaries, doing the job, without being accessible 24/7.  But I still catch myself being one of those people checking emails, responding after hours, and feeling like I can’t ever get caught up. Like trying to stuff 10 pounds of potatoes into a 5 pound sack, the volume just never … slows.

So when I feel the margins of life closing in, I push back and re-assess. Sometimes it takes nothing more than the “mental” escape  a good book can bring. Other times, more drastic action is needed.   So with that, later today, I’m signing off. Shutting down. Hopping  up into the Jeep with my brown-eyed handsome man, cranking up the tunes and headed to points north.  I’m laughing till my sides hurt, kissing my honey, and living in the moment.

vacation next exit

Road trip? Yes!

 

Make time in your day life for:

  1. Situations that make you laugh, including yourself
  2. People who make you smile
  3. Your favorite foods
  4. Music you want to sing along to
  5. Curling up with a book
  6. Loving on the one you love
  7. Friendship
  8. Good company and conversation
  9. Furry friends
  10. Joy

Why?

“In the midst of a busy life don’t forget to live.” ― Marty Rubin

And we might just play this game along the way:

 

Can you relate? When you feel your margins getting smaller, what do you adjust?

 

** Thanks to DM for gifting me with the “margins” reference — Now that I think of it, I always used to draw in mine. 🙂

 

 

 

Categories: Family, Growth, Home, Men, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

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