Have you ever looked back at all of the people you’ve known? Of the relationships that lasted and the ones that fell by the wayside?
What about family dynamics? Cousins or siblings you were so close to who now are … strangers?
It’s an interesting feeling, leaning into a brand new year, and looking back at the ghosts of past ones.
I think of friends I met through 4-H, during college, close rapport with sisters of boys I dated, work chums along the way, and I wonder. Not in a mournful way, no, but sometimes I wonder if they think of me, too.
Shortly after Mom passed away, a sibling removed me from her life; there had been a strain but her abrupt actions – deleting and blocking me on Facebook while remaining connected to others in the family – made it real. Painfully real. Her actions stung but, as blunt as they were, there was a certain clarity her move afforded me.
I had an epiphany recently that helped me get to the heart of what really nagged at me (beyond the obvious): her choices were hers, not mine. Doesn’t make me better or worse, but it was not something I would have done. You see, I’m a bit of a control freak. Headstrong, opinionated, and stubborn. I live my life, pay my way, and accept what comes with it. So when another chooses for me, it’s jarring. Off-putting.
Then came the gift of a second epiphany … it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. Why? Because I’ve accepted my part in the downfall of our relationship. I take accountability for who I am. Her discomfort with me is hers to own. It’s taken time but I’m able to speak of this now without tears and hand-wringing. As I turn the page, I make a choice: to leave her decisions where they belong … with her.
“There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.” – Shannon L. Alder
Have you ever had someone delete you from their life? How did you handle it and where are you with it now?