Posts Tagged With: moving on

A good day

kid quotes

We’ve all had times like that.  Sometimes they run together.

One day recently the rat  sauntered into my office like he owned the place, stinking up my aura with his 2-pack-a-day habit.  Asking if I was busy (and not listening to my answer of yes, very), he took a seat before I could stop him. Not like it would have mattered. I bit my tongue as he prattled on about his life, his health, his adventures, his stresses, himself, him, him, and his other favorite topic, him.   When he pushed me for information and updates, I diverted back to his favorite topic: him.   Soon, he tired of my lack of involvement, and said with a pout, “Well I felt I owed you a visit.”   My wax museum half-smile and a squinty-eyed look was the last he saw of me before slinking away to look for crumbs and colleagues.

Before that day and since co-workers have asked … “so … what have you heard from him?”  And my answer is always the same. “Not much and that is just fine with me!”

See here’s the thing: the experience you have with someone is yours alone.  Unfortunately some save their best for everyone else – and their snarky comments, nasty treatment and *ahem* b.s. is saved for you and you alone. I know this is someone who didn’t work .. but worked hard – overtime, really  – at appearing fun-loving and well-connected.  And if you spend any time at all – any – trying to convince others that the person they know as a certain way is otherwise, you’ll come off looking like a maniac. Trust me on this.

But I know the truth.  And here’s the thing with me.  Once I know who you are … really are … I’ll accept you. If I know your spirit is good, that you are kind and hard-working and do you best to be a good person, I’m in.  100%.  To the contrary, it doesn’t matter how much veneer someone slaps on the wagon, I can recognize a Charlatan driving it from a mile away.

But hey, I didn’t bite, so in hindsight,  it was a good day!  🙂


Can you relate to this story? Who do you know is one way with you but another with everyone else? How did you cope with it? Were you able to excise yourself from the situation?


go away

Categories: Determination, Faith, Growth, Life, Opinion, Personal, Self Discovery, Thoughts, Work | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Optimism in the face of adversity

It’s been 7 days.

7 days.

6 nights without a welcome home and 6 mornings without a scrunchy-faced hello.

No drive by “so what are you cookin’ today” moments.

No yard tours. No dinner aides. No coffee partners.

7 days.

7 days without my buddy.

And there’s just so much I have to tell him, so much.

So if I could, I’d tell him about a new project we’re working on and how much fun we’re having and he’d nod his head in agreement because he always knew that’s what I needed.  And then I’d tell him about working to find just the right person to fill a job that’s come open, and he’d nudge me and tell me, in his own way, to trust my instincts and how they’ve always served me well — after all, they were right on spot with him.  And then I’d share  the news that Mom’s looking at maybe  – just maybe – moving after 61 years on the farm.  And he’d stay silent and close because he’d know .. he’d know that a decision likes that deserves nothing less than respect and reverence.

And after we’d checked on all things outside and had supper and taken a walk that was just long enough but not too much for him, I’d hug him close and whisper the words I said to him every night of his life, “You’re the best dog anyone could ever wish for. The very best. And there’s just no one better.”

And with it, he’d close his eyes and sigh and smile, guard our secrets and he’d know, know deep in his soul, that he had the kind of life other dogs can only dream of.

A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things-a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. 

And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty.” ― John Grogan, Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog

Frankie-bear aka Captain Cuddles

Sure miss Frankie-bear aka Captain Cuddles; an Emjayandthem(c) photo

Categories: Animals, Attitude, Friendship, Grief, Growth, Life, Personal, Relationships, Share, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 44 Comments

On Resolutions …

photo from flickr

It’s New Year’s Eve and my resolution this year?  I’m not making any!

Too much pressure with too few results, in my experience.

It’s far more productive for me to simply say “no” to what I don’t want to do, what’s not good for me, or what’s taking me away from what really counts.

Saying no takes effort, especially for me, a people pleaser, organizer of the fun and keeper of the peace.

Saying “no” has allowed more yes-es in my life.  Stopping myself from doing what I’ve always done allows room for unexpected and unplanned delights.

Saying no feels foreign, but I’m getting better at it.   Here’s the rub:  it doesn’t even need to be spoken.  It can be our little secret.

    I know that this can’t apply to every category in life, it’s not practical.

But .. rather than beat myself up about failing at an unrealistic goal, I’m quietly continuing the personal progress made this year and carrying it forward into next.

I’ve cleared out the clutter in my life so I can succeed at what is important to me.

I’ve stopped maintaining relationships that aren’t healthy.  Doing so has made more room for those who are.

I’ve gone to bed earlier, and felt better,  than the results any diet ever delivered.

I’ve faced fears, spoken up and taken classes; these efforts have energized me more than any new skin care product possibly could.

I’ve stopped trying to do it all, be it all, fix it all for everyone else. I’ve started doing what matters… to me.

     Happy New Year all!  

And please share… are you making resolutions this year? Or skipping them all-together? 

Categories: Attitude, Confidence at any age, Determination, Faith, Friendship, Gratitude, Holidays, Humor, Love, Men, Opinion, Personal, Random, Rants, Relationships, Romance, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Useful Information, Wisdom, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It had to be you

me & the hubbs.  An Emjayandthem (C) photo

Happened across this song the other day and it took me back.  Back to living in Connecticut  where I met the Hubbs.  I was a divorced single parent of a 5-year-old boy; he was a well-traveled businessman from the midwest. I had a child. I did not date. I worked and took care of my son.  But a relentless girlfriend dragged me out on a Friday night and that’s where we met. He chatted with her (I thought he liked my friend) but, little did I know, he was working his way to me.  (foxy loxie that he is)

From the start, we had every obstacle in our way. Before we even had our first date, my employer announced we were relocating 6 states away.. in 4 months.  But summer was nearing and, cautiously, we started spending time together – the 3 of us – how’s that for romance?   Seeing a big shouldered man play with a teenage-mutant-ninja-turtled little boy softened my wounded heart.

One night we wrangled a sitter & decided to see the movie we were hearing a lot about, “When Harry met Sally.”  Understand, Mr. Hubbs doesn’t like movies.  Doesn’t go to movies. Didn’t know it then but he accommodated …me.

Can’t hear this song without thinking of him and that summer we fell in love .. over playdates with a 5-year-old, and day trips to New York City.

Update: we moved, he moved too, we married, had 2nd son, lived, loved and laughed together. And here we are … 19 years later.. and tonight’s “date night!” Think I’m gonna dig out our Harry Connick cds for later … And our 5-year-old boy? He’s now a grown man, married to his love who brought a 5-year-old boy to their marriage. That little boy.. you guessed it .. he loves Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, too.

Categories: Family, Gratitude, Life, Love, music, Personal, Random observations, Relationships, Seasons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Back to the days of Pooh

photo source:

Last night our baby boy (17 next week) received his first armed services recruitment letter.

 Don’t they know he’s just a boy?

 Don’t they know he’s our baby?

 Don’t they know that while he’s smart and brave and strong and tall … when we look at him we see that little wistful face, the boy who tilts his head to the side to sing and closes his eyes when he passionately makes a point? Don’t they know that this letter surely was meant for someone else? Someone … older?

 I want to find my way back .. back to the days of Christopher Robin.  Back to the days of .. Pooh.

Categories: Family, Life, Personal, Random observations, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Need to take a Relationship Sabbatical?

Do you have someone in your life who is lovely to everyone …but you?

I do. And being related further complicates matters. 

This is someone who is sweet and accommodating to everyone. But not to me. 

Conversations and interactions are a struggle because I have to censor everything I say.  I can’t offer suggestions, be my silly self, or offer up my meandering thoughts.    I have to be less than who I am.

After much deliberation and hand-wringing I took my hubbs’ advice:  

 I. Stopped. Engaging. 

I stopped calling.

 I just stopped.  

It’s not foolproof; old habits die hard and there will, of course, be instances where being together is unavoidable.  But … interesting things happened when I took a relationship sabbatical…I learned this: we teach others how to treat us, including family.  If I would not accept dismissive and acidic comments from others (a co-worker, an in-law, a neighbor), why did I tolerate it from her? Was it “keeping the peace,” or  “doing what I know?” 

When I said nothing, did nothing, and swallowed my words,  I gave up my power.  My inaction enabled the behavior to continue.  

Stepping back was taking action while avoiding a scene (and there would have been, trust me).     It was covert. It was calculated and yes, it was effective, because here’s my surprising realization:   I don’t miss the relationship.     I miss the idea of what our relationship was.

I feel lighter.

I am happier.

I am now completely – 100% – myself. 

Getting older. Accepting ourselves.  Raising the bar for how others treat us.  Drawing a line in the sand and having the courage to stand behind it.  Powerful.

Categories: Attitude, Confidence at any age, Determination, Family, Gratitude, Life, Life Lessons, Opinion, Quotes, Random observations, Relationships, Useful Information, Wisdom, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

The Power of Forgiveness

Read this recently on Facebook and had to share … “Holding a grudge, carrying your anger, pain and hurt will only destroy the joy you deserve. So often we make things worse in our heads as days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. Forgiveness will set you free. You may never forget, but you deserve the freedom that comes with letting go.”

Carrying a grudge around is like letting someone you don’t like  live rent free in your head.   But sometimes we can’t let it go because holding onto to that feeling is the last thread tying us to that person.   Let it go.

When you let go of the people who aren’t good for you, you make room for the ones who are.

Categories: Forgiveness, Life Lessons, Random observations, Wisdom | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

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