So, as many of you already know, we’re in a period of transition here at the Emjayandthem house.
We’ve always been able to say that we’ve got one foot in each world – one grown and one at home (in high school). Now, that’s no longer the case .. the youngest graduated and, while he’ll be living here – working and going to school – he’s “off” so to speak. In his mind’s eye, he’s already “independent” (I know, try not to chuckle).
I’ve been doing a lot of pondering about what’s next.
I’ve been Mom for 26 of my 48 years and have never had much time for just me. A lot of it has been by choice – I’m no martyr but I really do believe kids spell love t-i-m-e. But, truth be told, I’ve never claimed much time for me.
It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve started saving some of the week just for me. It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve started thinking about a bucket list, much less acting on one.
Hubbs heartily suggested that I take up golf; he golfs regularly and loves it. There’s nothing more that man would love than me by his side, riding, laughing and competing.
He loves it so I would too, right?
Armed with my steady rebuttals I gave him my pat answers over the years: I don’t have time, I’m not very good at it, I don’t like the heat.
But here’s the real truth: I stink at golf and I am used to being good at everything I do. Not only am I not good at it, I’m not sure I care enough to invest the money and energy it will take to become better.
I listened to his encouraging words and his assurances that, after 30 some years, he still works on his game. After 30 years, he still struggles. There’s a part of me who thinks he’s nuts to work at something for so long!
I’m starting to understand him now.
See, I’ve been exercising regularly for about 3 months. I don’t know when it happened but one day, one day I was able to do more than the day before. A lot more. When I began I could barely do a push up; now I can do many. When I first tried, I could barely get through 15 min. of a fitness DVD; now I can complete an hour and, panting and sweaty, I’m ready and eager for the next challenge.
And his words got me thinking: have I really only chosen activities that I know I can shine at? Entertaining, cooking, organizing, public speaking, project leadership?
Have I shied away from that which challenges me?
Yes I have.
I don’t know when it happened but I suspect that, somewhere along the way, I settled into the comfortable support pattern that so many Moms do: I set my hopes, dreams and delights on the back burner. The problem? I forgot to go back and switch that burner on.
How about you? Do you gravitate to that which you can master? And can you delight in just trying?